A Lesser Mortal: Rebirth

2006-08-03T00:23:00.000+05:00

indeed

2006-07-07T19:10:00.000+05:00

what tha

gone.

2006-06-18T05:48:00.000+05:00

stupid screwed-up word press no wonder i couldnt see my blog the damn thing had erased the entire template. anyways. hi there. do you still visit? well. im to be found here i no longer blog on blogspot. be there! or not.

shashkaaaaaaaa!

2006-05-25T01:42:00.000+05:00

ehm... folks. chk this out i dont have the energy to post right now. but i think ive moved. details later. c ya! wouldnt wanna be ya!

a lesson learnt in time

2006-05-19T18:03:00.000+05:00

im numb. it's over. my mba is finished. i have nothing to live for no longer. i mean. i have nothing to do. man, im feeling weird. i mean... im not really feeling anything. hence the numbness. but the fact that i can feel that im numb is making me all weirdy and stuff... u know what i mean, right? remember when it was going to start? and three days after it had started? i recall a post i started with "14 days down, two more years to go" i wouldnt say the years have flown by, and that pata bhi nai chala... bohat pata chala hai... there were days that wouldnt end, there were days that wouldnt begin... there were days that went by as i stood there blinking... there were days where i saw my life pass me by, yet i didnt feel i was a part of it. i'm sure i made an active effort to forget everything i had learnt... or to not learn anything... i guess once i was in teh school, i had decided i wasnt there to learn... but only to kill time. i'd know how much time i was looking to kill, if i knew exactly where i wanted to be when... but until that was going to happen, i was going to hang around in airconditioned class rooms... tis over. i cant believe it. the mba is done. my reason for waking up to another meaningless day is gone. i feel like ive been robbed. im not kidding. but i guess i gotta grow up right? (WRONG!! NAH UNH BUDDY, THAT AINT HAPPENIN IN THIS LIFETIME) i guess all of this brings me back to the question of life, the universe and everything... or the answer of it... i dont know... im not too sure of what im thinking right now. the towel day is 6 days from now. guess who wont be celebrating it. ive made friends. ive lost some. ive learnt teh importance of family. ive learnt a lot about myself (the conclusion here was, i dont like me much). ive learnt here, taht nothing lasts forever. not people, not relationships. ive lost some of sunshine. most of my mojo. (not really, but i thought it would be a good line to put here) ive lost my happy-go-lucky streak. i know for a fact, ive become too cynical. and not in a nice way. u know that innate goodness of the human being i believed in? i dont anymore. now, a person is guilty until proven otherwise. and if anything, ive learnt to be all the things i despised in others. "tact, diplomacy, self-righteousness." perhaps it is too late in the day for me. i should go sleep. i should perhaps sleep my troubles away. or maybe it is just too late in life for me. ---------------------------------------------- somewhere in there, i had a good time too. im sure of it. i have pictures of me laughing. i have lots of pictures. too bad that is all that is left. it's over. somethings tells me, i dont think i really wanted it to end. forgive me if ive posted these lyrics before... but today, they hold a whole new meaning. Another turning point; a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist; directs you where to go. So make the best of this test and don't ask why. It's not a question but a lesson learned in time. It's something unpredictable but in the end it's right. I hope you had the time of your life. So take the photographs and still frames in your mind. Hang it on a shelf In good health and good time. Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial. For what it's worth, it was worth all the while. It's something unpredictable but in the end it's right. I hope you had the time of your life

2006-05-18T08:50:00.000+05:00

umm... if i were on a chess board... would i be a pawn, or a queen? (knights are not an option, they look like horses... i rather like to think my features are more bovine) anyways... so between the queen and the pawn, which would i be, and why... seeing as how both are played by the same hand and niether has a say in where it wants to go...

2006-05-09T15:07:00.000+05:00

you know what? i really dont have teh answers it's hard enough making teh effort looking for answers to satsfy my own dilemmas, without you burdening me for quick fix solutions. if you cant make the effort to look for an answer, then just dont ask the question.

2006-04-23T18:51:00.000+05:00

i know how im going to make it big. i have a quick fix way of getting rich. im selling everything in my house. the raddi, the junk, the furniture, the light fixtures, the family, the car, the kitchen... once ive sold everything in my house, im going to stealthily move into the neighbours and sell everything they own. and then i'll take over the world. (you get the picture right?) (p.s. did i mention my house was getting painted/whitewashed?... and it feels like a tornado has been thru the house :)...the upstairs is downstairs, the downstairs is outside... and i am a scruffy dog)

for a higher (be)cause

2006-04-21T17:11:00.000+05:00

in the last three days, i have perfected the art of swinging from trees and jumping over sofas. i havent shaved in what feels like twenty four years, and my hair can now be classified as dreadlocks. i smell of acetone, emulsion and other bodily fluids. just thought id let you know.

theory of evolution (summary)

2006-04-20T22:06:00.000+05:00

by Scott Adams first, there were some amoebas. deviant amoebas adopted better to the environment, thus became monkeys. then came total quality management.

2006-04-19T22:53:00.000+05:00

the effects of early-childhood-jigsaw-deprivation have set in, and it's scaring me. my sister asked me earlier in teh day to put together the computer that had been taken apart, for a higher cause. i figured i was doing something wrong, when i put both ends of a detachable-cable in the same component. so umm. basically, it was coming out of one hole, and going into the other. and there is no better way of putting this in words. my khala got me a 1000-piece jigsaw from the states when i was 14 yrs old. she also got me a magnet which said: whenever i'm right, no one remembers, when i'm wrong, no one forgets. guess which of the two gifts i liked best? actually, niether. she also got me silly putty. *Sigh* to be 14 again. to breaking out in pimples, and to be wearing galsses three size my face. (i burnt all my post-childhood pre-pubescent pictures. i tried doing that with my memories too, my hair got singed). coming back to jigsaws. my hot friend in the US, he wanted to send me something. so i said, ok, send me a jigsaw... u know... like a 10000 pieces or something. cuz the one i had, i threw it away. cuz i couldnt put it together. now you cant not put together something u dont have, so you throw the jigsaw away. well i dont want to do that anymore. so feeling very very stupid, very very deprived, i asked him to send me a jigsaw. he goes, well, i was going to send you a harry potter bag, but if you want the jigsaw. yes, guilty as charged. i gave up the jigsaw for a fad. i gave in to temptation. like what's his name said, "i can resist everything but temptation." but more seriously. if and when i can, i want to have a collection of jigsaws, and a collection of collectables. [duh - eds] but for now ill settle for jigsaws, cuz i want to be able to put together my computer without calling for help: me: i cant put my computer together engineer at help desk: do you own one? [duh! dont mind her, her house is being painted- eds] anyways, so since you are reading this blog, that only just means i WAS able to connect the 5 pieces with the three hundred cables. in your face bill gates. im going to sleep. i'm tired. im getting my room painted in lime and jade. the furniture is all black. hot.black. -------------------------------------------------- the incoherent random nothings are responsible for some semblance of sanity in our lives -- the hemlock)

what brain drain?

2006-04-18T13:46:00.000+05:00

aargh. i HATE the lab. i hate it i hate it i hate it. phew. now that i have THAT off my chest, i can continue with more important things. ive discovered im a fan of the guy who created dilbert. ironic how im not a fan of the creator of the creator of dilbert. but that's because im short sighted. ive just finished reading the dilbert future: trhiving on stupidity in the 21st century. most of my life i saw dilbert as a badly drawn cartoon, and that was enough to turn me away from the strip. i mean come on, give me a break here. you have garfield, you have baby blues, you have umm... bizarro... but dilbert? so anyways, i saw the book in one of my rare incursions into the "greater" library.... the lesser one being a discussion room i frequented during my geekozoid-days... and tehre i found it. or as it was said in the hurricane, "it found me" it's a very interesting concept though, that books find you. ever gone across a shelf of books, and a random one seems to jump at you. and you pick it out and bring it home? or if it jumped at you from inside your home, probability is, this time you'll read it. i dont know, anyways, so the book picked me, and i read it. and before i had finished it, i issued the dilbert principle, because i decided all ive read is of no value to date, because what is of value was in these books, which i hadnt read. im not sure how ive added value to your life by the above sentences, but if any of my previous actions have led you to build expectations, that's just plainly your loss. im wondering if my boss would be much offended if i read during work hours. i dont have work hours yet probably because i dont have a boss but that is another story i get fascinated with books that are written about me. they have me in their titles. i tried reading marxism for idiots. i couldnt make heads or tails of it. i tried reading an idiot's guide to raising dogs. i gave my dog away without raising it too high. i gave the book away too. dilbert. so the guy makes a lot of sense. he makes a lot of predictions too. that's when is isnt making jokes. that's what he does for a living. he cracks jokes. making teh likes of me the butt of them. he says computers are like tangerines. because he cant find analogies for either of them. he predicts life in the future will not be like star trek my internet isnt working, causing me a lot of frustration and hindering my productivity. he says future technology will hinder productivity. he says in future, scientists will learn how to convert stupidity into clean fuel. i like this guy. now that i know what happened in the end, im going to go to the begining to see how the end began. i mean, read teh first book in teh two book series, which isnt actually a series, but more like just another offshoot of the sweet valley twins. yes, im guilty. on a more important note, if you havent read it yet, now would be a good time to water the car parked in your garden. at least no one will accuse you of dying a couch potato.

2006-04-13T08:33:00.000+05:00

shaam-e-firaq ab na pooch aye or aa kay tul gaye dil tha kay phir behal gaya jaan thee kay phir sambhal gaye...

2006-04-12T11:10:00.000+05:00

mankind is a logistical fallacy... comment. (or dont...) must reads: must read 1 must read 2

i aint the sharpest tool in the shed...

2006-04-10T11:04:00.000+05:00

needless to say, i didnt write that last post... i asked a friend to do a guest post, and he didnt have anything nice to write about blogs or blogging or me writing a blog or me blogging... so the only decent printable line left was him saying he didnt like blogging. that's as detailed an explanation as one that can or will ever come your way. as previously done on many occasions, ive decided it is very cool to be able to not make sense, and that's what i will attempt to do using superior vocabulary i have acquired over the course of my life.

Alice felt dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter's remark seemed to have no sort of meaning in it, and yet it was certainly English.

also, i feel like reading alice in wonderland again. ok, the thing is, 46 days to go before MBA is over. i actually made this announcement in class today, in front of my professor, who said something like, "with a month to go..." so i cut him short and said actually, 46 days... to which he gave me a look and goes, "ahan... 46 days, 35 minutes and 27 seconds? i can see what a strong bond you've developed with this place" well, think what u like. being the eternal pessimist that i am, i DONT want to know what life will be like 46 days from now, because for the life of me i cant think anything good about myself. i dont believe in miracles... i mean i believe in them, but i believe they happen to other people, better people, people who deserve them... spirituality and i... we just dont walk the same roads, sing the same songs... hum the same tunes, speak teh same language... u get the picture, right? so anyways...it's quarter past 11 now, and i WAS supposed to submit an application form for an MT programme at a bank. well i didnt. i mean, i opened my orkut, i checked my gmail, i called a friend, OH OH OH !!! and another friend of mine who was applying for the same programme asked me to proofread/edit his application... so i did. i just figure, there are plenty of jobs to go around, and i dont necessarily have to pull others back to get ahead. i DO have to APPLY to get a job, but that is a minor detail im trying not to think about. not being a nit-picker, i know i dont wanna go work in a bank, i dont want to sell soap for an FMCG... oh what is a girl to do? ------------------------------------------------------- that said, i need to make time in my life to re-read alice in wonderland. somehow we focus on ignoring the good things in life. umm... i watched the constant gardner, crash, memoirs of a geisha good movies. the first two, a must watch. or you just must watch them. yeah. basically. also, ive found smash mouth's lyrics to be profound in nature. Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas I need to get myself away from this place I said yep what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming Fed to the rule and I hit the ground running Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb and Twenty-five years ago, they spoke out and they broke out Of depression and opression and together they toked And they folked out with guitars around a bon fire Just singin' and clappin', man what the hell happened Some were spell-bound, some were hell-bound Some they fell down and some got back up And fought against the melt-down And their kids were hippie chicks, and hypocrites Because fashion is smashin' the true meaning of it ------------------------------------------------------- lay me down in an unmarked grave in an uncharted place let there be no trace let my resting place have no mark, no face and know that i was there when you see lush green grass and flaming sunflowers and lilies perhaps i like lilies; let me lie under the shadow of a tree and then see me in the bright blossom in the dull withering autumn dont visit i wont be there i will be a wandering spirit travelling the seas the mountains a tramp a rolling stone a vagabond at last free ok. im done. for now.

2006-04-07T12:21:00.000+05:00

i do not like blogging

and WHO are you?

2006-04-06T01:19:00.000+05:00

The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in silence: at last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth, and addressed her in a languid, sleepy voice. "Who are you?" said the Caterpillar. This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, "I--I hardly know, sir, just at present-- at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then." "What do you mean by that?" said the Caterpillar sternly. "Explain yourself!" "I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, sir" said Alice, "because I'm not myself, you see." "I don't see," said the Caterpillar. "I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly," Alice replied very politely, "for I can't understand it myself to begin with..." the caterpillar never understood alice, he never will. because he is the caterpillar, and she is alice.

holy blah.

2006-03-31T08:57:00.000+05:00

every step i take... every move i make... i go owww..... OOOOOOWWW! o man. friday morning. too early, too late in the week. my back hurts. my legs hurt. understandable, cuz i decided i needed to work out again. after a 6 month break. so i thought it would be best by starting with crunches. 200 of them. needless to say, you can decide to do 200 crunches, but you arent actually about to go beyond 127.75201.... OOOOWWW! now i know what it feels like to be kicked in the kidneys :p oh man... im thinking... i know what i need. you know... a long HOT bath... and a handful of painkillers. oowww! in other news, i have a zit. on my face. in my line of vision. (you can realise how unbelievable my reality is becoming... if im having to blog about a zit... losing a sense of reality? perhaps) but no seriously... everytime i look down, something gets in the way. that something is the zit. :/ in yet other news, i have sinned again: im back on orkut. dont ask me why. i dont do much there... i succumbed to social pressure. (roite ---!!! ALL it took was someone saying why dont you come back on orkut again... that was probably the opportunity hemlock had been dreaming of... for ever and ever and ever-- eds) jesus. im so tired. im thinking... what would happen if i DIDNT go to class today? any class? i dont really think its worth it....................................................... aaarrrrrghhhhhhh! im feeling so ... icky! *bang! bang! bang!* ding ding ding ding ding ding... ding ding ding ding ... bang bang

2006-03-30T12:25:00.000+05:00

soumyn: since i cannot comment on my own blog... no thanx to pervez musharraf, im just going to have to answer you here: education is free. ipods arent.

2006-03-29T23:02:00.000+05:00

i wish i wasnt as despicable as i can get at times. i wish i wasnt so weak i actually at times i wish i wasnt me. i wish i was someone else. i STILL havent been able to either accept or own my weaknesses. im afraid if i did, all the sand castles ive built around me would wash away. when the funny thing is, i know the inevitable will happen, im only fooling myself, the bubble WILL burst. yet i go on and on, fooling myself.. and in the very process hurting and embarrassing those around me. im actually sorry for who i am. for who i wanted to but couldnt be. shit, im actually sorry.

heard that? that was my dream shattering

2006-03-20T23:32:00.000+05:00

my heart is so broken it aint even funny (as is my keyboard) see, i was supposed to apply for like an Mphil or something or like a Phd... like the stuff i was supposed to do when lums wasnt even on the radar... and like when i had wanted to apply to cambridge for an MBA, and they needed three years of work experience, and ididnt have any so i didnt apply... right? so anyways, like since the world and their pine-apple-upside-down cake knows im freakin out about graduating, i decided the best option would be to enroll in another school... this time for the mphil thingy, and definitely outside of pakistan and not america (america is too far away from home and home is too close to the heart, iwouldnt be able to function in either situations...) so like, england seemed the best option.. but my heart bleeds and im so so sad... *sigh* i mean... irony? is THIS irony or what? i think about and decide to apply for admission only TWO DAYS after the deadlines... it so isnt funny. two days... 15th march was closing for some unis, 1st march for others, 1st feb for oxford. anyways. so yeah, im so so so so sad. it 's really sad. i just cant stop laughing. i mean... u heard that right? im such a loser i couldnt even make it to the "greatest losers of the world" list.

and i want... and i need...

2006-03-17T21:40:00.000+05:00

im getting a very very very strong urge to apply somewhere for an MPhil. actually, i know exactly where i want to apply. but one assumes a gap year is necessary; at least a year of some practical work is important. but if i get into that, than i wont be able to apply to any organization that has a two to three year management trainee programme (they make you sign bonds and shit)... if i do, then i wont be able to leave after a year :s i'll have to wait for 2-3 yrs atleast :s and i want a phd NOW! what to do! what to do!!! i want! i want! i want! :'(

hemmie callin D, come in D

2006-03-17T00:15:00.000+05:00

d, i sent you a mail on your gmail thingy... perhaps you havent seen it... anyways. lemme know what plans you have about shifting... and all that jazz? i guess this WILL be goodbye blogger...?

borderline

2006-03-11T18:17:00.000+05:00

i am teh only one sitting in the lab right now (almost... the lab attendant is here too... somewhere) next to the keyboard is an empty coffee cup and an even emptier bottle of dew. i would take the picture of my cubicle right now, but what's the point? i wont be able to upload it for a while. anyways, i'm breathing easy... :) i have an exam im trying to work on, but it isnt happening abhi. done a lot of it... designed the framework for analysis, critiqued the existing situation according to that, sketched a solution... now i need to fill in teh blanks. and dont feel like it anymore. bleh. im feeling silly abhi. really really silly. feel like singing. i think. except i cant sing :s oh blah. i otta get back to work. i really otta. waisay, aaj was supposed to be basant. before they banned it. the ban has its good points, it has its bad points. the benefits of the ban outweigh the drawbacks significantly... except that i wont be able to fly kites this year :( that sux. i love this season only because i get to climb a rooftop, fly kites, compete, and win some and lose others :) and i get my fingers cut. aint happenin this year. ab kuch nai ho sakta ------------------------------------------------------------- i splurged yesterday... :p bought coelho's the zahir... which reminds me, i totally just finished the bourne ultimatum... and let me tell you, it was positively by far the worst of the three... it's like, ludlum had all these ideas, these confrontation scenarios he had planned between bourne and carlos... and he just HAD to put them ALL in the book... so he did. except there was absolutely no linkage between them, no intricate unraveling of a well thought-out plot... it was like, ok, i want to do a confrontation in miami, but umm... lets see... since i havent mentioned miami before, let me bring in a character who i hadnt even conceived in the entire series, but anyways, let me just make him appear out of a hat because it serves the greater purpose of creatin a showdown between my two protagonists. anways, i literally had to drag myself across teh book. definitely not worth the effort, but seeing as i HAD started it... khair. so that wraps up ludlum for me... now i gotta (start) finish zahir. coelho isnt my supremo authoro evero, but really, he does have his hand on the pulse of people... what drives them, pulls them back... their desires, dreams... to have such insight is remarkable... so i guess i read him out of respect for that ability. i wish to be able to hit the nail as well as he does. then ill write better stories; until then, let me just read. i might be watching memoirs of a geisha on tuesday... but im thinking... do i want to read it first? ya should i go ahead with just watching it... pata nai... tuesday is three days away anyways... ------------------------------------------------------------- if i could play the guitar, i would've liked much to do a cover version of kid rock's only god knows why. i think i can come up with a better version ... i mean, i can tell how i want the song to sound like. and taht isnt necessarily very close to what it sounds like abhi. ... Oh somehow I know there's more to life than this I said it too many times And I still stand firm You get what you put in And people get what they deserve Still I ain't seen mine No I ain't seen mine I've been giving just ain't been gettin' I've been walking that thin line So I think I'll keep on walking With my head held high I'll keep moving on and only God knows why... ------------------------------------------------------------- there's a very strong rumour going around these days. they say musharraf's days are numbered. i wonder... and no, blogspot still cant be accessed without guardster/anonymizer/yeh woh

i beep the beep of the beep

2006-03-08T08:44:00.000+05:00

ok. so that much has been established. musharraf is paranoid, and bloody insane. that said, how do i let him know i think that? perhaps go to the bbc website, leave a nasty comment which his guard dogs will (hopefully?) sniff out? and then maybe track me down and arrest me for making obscene comments about prophet musharraf... the point is... blocking all of blogspot? the thing is, now that that has been done, i dont expect it to be undone. which will mean i might have to move... and honestly? i dont want to...! ive been here so comfortably for far too long... and anyways, i only know ppl on blogspot. if i decided to move now, i just might end up not knowing them very soon... cuz... HOW does he expect me to chk out all the blogs i do... *sigh* he doesnt get the enormity of what he's done, does he? ooooooooooooooooooooo *wails* this is like... so blah. i can see my blog and comments thru guardster and whatnot, but i cant leave any comments. but im not going to go thru three hundred channels just so i can access my blog... hello... reality check here... talk about cencorship. i really hadnt thought mushy was into this stuff... but like a friend said earlier on in the day, what's the point of havin power if you cant abuse it. so like, there is some journalist dude, who had a phadda with musharraf cuz of which he had to flee the country. anyways, on gettin to canada, he opened his webjournal... south asian tribune... now the thing is, if you try access it from here, the website www.satribune.com instead, takes you to some place called www.pakistanpapers.com haha. phunny. not the same thing. *sigh* im so disappointed and disallusioned. i hate change ive been so firmly entrenched in the blogspot thingy, that contemplating a shift is killing me. i dont want to leave. to do or not to do! that is the question...

fading with the sunset

2006-03-06T01:53:00.000+05:00

"im sick'o them shitheads gettin their knickers in a twist" i said to D, when she explained to me why i cant access my blog. cuz, i live in pakistan, and we dont believe in freedom of speech, and are ruled by stupidity that grows exponentially. it's absotively insane. ive also learnt i dont like swearing, in writin i mean... just to prove to you im NOT crazy... (crazy as in stupid, not insane... that i know i am)... see this [ha! in your face soumyn; so hemlock WASNT making excuses! she doesnt lie (too often) you know --eds] ooooooooooooo *wails* does stupidity have no end.? is there no end to the morons who rule this country? who invite bush for dinner and let him leave without a nuclear pact? i feel like the least favourite child now... (my grandparents always preferred my brother to me... it was a gender thing) no seriously... so you block all blogspot sites. duh! (please pay special attention to the exclamation mark after "duh") [that was the only smart comment hemlock could come up with, in response to measures taken by the government to decrease the threat of intellectual discourse between the east and west -- eds] how stupid do you get? how stupid? HOW STUPID CAN YOU GET? can you get any more stupid? where does stupidity end? [aren't you being a bit repetitive honey? like repeating yourself? you know, resulting in repetition of your initial point... dunno, we just thought that maybe... -- eds] anyways, umm... so, we know how daft, and unbelievably insane government musharraf is... what else? last term of school starts tomorrow. job hunting? fretting about future... choices, priorities... a career... you have no idea how stressful this all is... i swear, if i could... i wouldve opted for a phd straight of business school. degrees and schools dont prepare you for reality, and i dont think i can make it out there. *Sigh* 3 months. 3 months to what? *crawls under the desk, hides face, plays dead*

2006-03-02T20:48:00.000+05:00

ok. this isnt much fun, seriously. my blog thingy hasnt loaded in four days now, i cant see what im posting, and now i know how Beethoven felt when he composed the 9th symphony. or when milton wrote paradise lost. imagine being like, an amazing writer, and never knowing what your writing looks like. but im serious, i havent seen my page and im feeling all ................................................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk! WHY ISNT MY PAGE LOADING???!!! WHY ISNT ANY BLOGSPOT LOADING??? i cant even see my comments! so ive been giving myself an overdose of movies. saw: i am david eternal shunshine of the shpotlesh mind brokeback mountain chicken little chronicles of narnia HP4 and the movies i AM going to watch, hopefully tonite are: munich lord of war lock, stock and two smoking barrels collateral... ill start with LS&TSB... i wouldve done like, my comments... on what i think of the movies, but two things... 3 of the 5 movies i did were SO WARPED! they left me reeling... specially "i am David" bloody good movie, very very cannes... very... u know... un je ne ses quis... but very weird! plus, i cant see my blog. and im not going to say anything unless i can see it :/ so, anyone wanna fix my problem?

2006-02-28T14:17:00.000+05:00

my blog isnt loading. how annoying is that?

2006-02-26T22:52:00.000+05:00

:) [hemlock doesnt feel much like talking today, so she's smiling politely, pretending to be interested in her life, and you, when, in fact, she has no idea of who or where she is, or if she matters anymore, or why the birds bark and the trees chirp and the cats act the way they do. hemlock is totally spaced out, and finds that a comfortable zone to be in. -- eds]

chomp chomp. i just et half my post.

2006-02-24T08:51:00.000+05:00

it's almost 9, and elton john is being played on the radio *grumble* who listens to McQueen so early in the day? umm, no, let me rephrase that, who listens to McQueen in this day and age? anyways, so ummm, this friend of mine sent me a very hot looking Harry Potter bag from teh states recently. so, in my most chavelrous and gallant armour, i demanded he give me his address, so i could send him something in return too. he's a lovely chap, who blogged for like, two and a quarter posts. so umm, he like sends me his address after i bug him constantly for like weeks, and the rest of the story im not going to narrate abhi, cuz i just realised im not in teh mood. mu.ha.ha.ha. -------------------------------------------------------- i love compliments. i recently forwarded an article to some friends. and i got a reply that said: woman, the article rocks. and you bajree, eent and mountain. why thank you, i always knew i was construction material.

wise men say...

2006-02-23T08:54:00.000+05:00

i found this veryold joke in my mailbox. hemjoy: American businessman was at a pier in a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow-fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied only a little while. The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs. The American then asked the Mexican how he spent the rest of his time. The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, senor." The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and, with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. "You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise." The Mexican fisherman asked, "But senor, how long will this all take?" The American replied, "15-20 years." "But what then, senor?" asked the Mexican. The American laughed, and said, "That's the best part! When the time is right, you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public. You'll become very rich, you would make millions!" "Millions, senor?" replied the Mexican. "Then what?" The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos." {thank god im not a harvard MBA -- [a case of sour grapes hemmie? - eds]} -------------------------------------------------------------------- so like anyways, does one go to hell for typing god in lowercase? or does it depend on which god you are talking about? -------------------------------------------------------------------- anyways, i seem to be getting somewhere with my johari window, but i think i've lost interest after 11 people filling it out for me. i mean, one can only be so self obsessed and narcissistic... beyond which, you just get plain irritating. waisay bhi, i get sick by excessive khushamad... and this window has no "negative" attributes. i find it hard to believe im as perfect as that... actually, what would be more interesting than knowing the good things about me would be knowing the bad things about me. but i already know them all. pretty much. no wonder i hate personality tests and "other windows into your soul" -------------------------------------------------------------------- in other news, ive decided subah bohat swairay swairay ho jati hai... morning happens very early in the day. someone needs to work on that.

the last dance

2006-02-21T09:02:00.000+05:00

i was thinking, the reason adults stop having fun, is because as they grow up, they learn about and begin to fear pain. and that's just so sad. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- anyways, so like, i read this word "Islamofascists" here. how fascinating :D ummm... death to the... umm... boston globe, ben and jerry's and umm... toys R us. Allah O Akbar! [eds: *phew* arent we glad she got that outta the way]. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- here's an amazing article. totally - amazing. take a minute out to read it. im bored of blogging. for now. imna read the sorcerer's apprentice. or somat like it.

life - that distateful joke

2006-02-20T21:23:00.000+05:00

Bad Joke Generator - Hemlock Jokes they are bad jokes, really. take my word for it. trust me. no, really, i MEAN it! ok, suit yourself. so anyways, like fill out my johari window for me plz? this is what i gots so far. see how tewwibly ive started spewlling this? all common and stuff. khair. ta.

smoke some pot and peace out man.

2006-02-20T03:10:00.000+05:00

somat's stinkin in denmark. and the world over but in completely unrelated events, here's somat else im in love with. if you dont understand punjabi, then that's just too bad... id love to translate it, except i dont have the capability. so, anyways: kuj unj vi ravan auk hiyan sun kuj gul vich ishq da tauq vi si kuj shehr day laug vi zalim sun kuj sanu maran the shauk vi si

the alice syndrome

2006-02-18T22:49:00.000+05:00

if i was someone else, would my shoes still not fit me? ---------------------------------------------- so my group and our ad came first in our category (we had three other competitors), and second overall (out of 16 groups). maybe in another life, i wouldve been happy with the results, but i am actually sick of being "just there" and then falling "just a little short". im sick of being the second best. i guess that is where the difference lies in people who actually have ambition, who are competitive by nature, and me, who competes because i have no other choice. i take up a challenge when it is thrown at me, and not because i had intended to in the first place. and that is the difference between them and i. who i am, isnt right for where i am. if im going to be here for good, then i need to be someone else, cuz im not going to be a runner-up. if i do somat, i do it well, or i dont do it at all. and right now, im doing neither. im trying to take a middle path that is getting me nowhere.

sun is shining

2006-02-16T09:17:00.000+05:00

they've gone stark-raving-abso-fucking-tively-posi-bloody-lutely mad. it's crazy i tell you... they've all gone mad! ok, hear this! rioters have been having field days lately, as they've been let loose on my city, to show "solidarity with the muslim ummah" and to "protest the blasphemous cartoons"... blah de dah de dah... what a load of bull crap. these assholes torched buildings, wreaked havoc on the roads by setting alight busses and tyres, and when they werent setting fire to cars, they were going around smashing the windscreens in... it's horrific... it's preposterous... most of all, it's plain stupid... and DEFINITELY NOT IN THE NAME OF ISLAM. yesterday, some more riots engulfed the city, cuz protests in punjab university turned ugly, and an employee died in cross fire between police and the students. question: what the fuck are arms doing in a university? WHO is responsible? and why the hell is the admin so scared to handle these students. the university management REFUSED to comment... oh why? does that tarnish your oh-so-spotless-repute? dude, one of YOUR employees died. someone needs to answer.

the VC stayed in his office during the protest. He did not come out even when police baton charged, used tear gas and started shooting at the students, sources said, adding that that was when the IJT activists started throwing stones at police. Sources said the VC got to the main gate half an hour after the incident occurred. Later, he left his office in panic and PU's administration was asked to wind up and leave the campus as soon as possible, especially before Rizwan's funeral.

im glad we have our priorities straight. ok, get this. while private property and businesses were being destroyed (the mobs took to the streets on both tuesday AND wednesday, on wednesday after the university incident), the former interim prime minister Ch Shujaat hussain was contacted for comment. here's how DT quotes him:

When contacted by a TV channel for comment on what was happening in Lahore, Chaudhry Shujaat Hussain launched into a tirade against Denmark and emphasised the importance of Islamic protest because the offence had gone to the heart of the Muslim faith.

well... hello? the offense has gone to into the heart of the muslim faith? excuse me? WHAT faith? and if you are SO bleeding hurt, does that mean u destroy the lives and properties of other MUSLIMS? im sorry, this hardly seems like an attempt to make any point other than to prove your ignorance, and to reveal that your intellect is that of a dozen chalghozas put together.

School and college boys had entered the streets with clubs in their hands. It was obvious that the march was planned to be violent. The way they set about breaking the cars and then setting fire to them was no spontaneous response to provocation. TV commentators kept noting that the police was not present when the mob started its violence. When it came to the scene afterwards it simply stood around and watched as public and private property was being demolished. Those who were busy breaking into shops and banks were clearly youths who loot private citizens during the night while posing as followers of religious parties during the day.

the only result of burning down offices of multinationals will be them pulling out of your country, all the foreign investment flowing back out, and the economy going back into negative growth. allowing such behaviour is a clear signal to anyone and everyone that we are just too immature and so not prepared to grow, financially, or socially. then we want to know why the "west" only thinks of us as mullahs in dhotis running abouwieldingng batons. duh!?

The protests are clearly aimed at bringing the Musharraf regime down.

right. and it takes a genius to figure that? im just wodering what the bigger picture behind this agitation the world over is... with americans working to secure the western borders of pakistan (the whole baluchistan fiasco), how far is the attack on tehran? (just curious) but hmm, lets see, if i was to be a part of mob, or mob-related incidents, where i knew i wouldnt be found or accountable for my actions, i think i would go setting fire to all the oil wells across the world. imagine paralysing all economies globally. hehehehe! anyways, the city has been paralysed again today, with more protests and burnings (of shops) to come. stay tuned for obscene madness. oh, and in other news, the mullahs are asking for "expulsion of foreign students" from pakistanuniversitieses. they want them all sent back to the west. ha! ha! ha! you think ANYONE from the west would come to pakistan for education. ok, no really, that IS funny :p the only foreign students you DO have, and the ones that come from nigeria or sudan or somalia, or bangladesh, and honestly, we would be better off without them, cuz the minute they land here, they join radical organizations and we all know what happens after that. anyways, your education system can barely support your own population. you know the foreign students arent bringing in any money, cuz once they get here, they disappear, and the universities have no records of where these people are. but here are some excerpts from an article i found VERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY enlightening :) enjoy:

the entire Muslim Ummah became enraged. We know that the Muslim Ummah has a penchant for getting enraged mostly over matters of blasphemy and occasionally the desecration of the Holy Book. However, most times that the Ummah gets enraged, the price of oil goes up.
It would seem that a right wing racist Danish newspaper editor tried to make fun of Muslims. The Muslim ulema in Denmark got upset as Muslim ulema are wont to and spread the word. In time the rest of the Ummah got incensed as it is wont to and one thing led to another. Some Muslim dictators took advantage of the situation to score a few points, as they are wont to. But all this "wonting to" sounds much too reasonable and runs contrary to the universal law of conspiracies.
...the Danes seem to be blaming the Swiss food giant Nestle for their misfortunes. To believe that somebody as innocuous as manufacturers of chocolates and bottled water could be behind all this seems a little difficult to imagine ... And if we look hard enough ... we will find some connection between bottled water and oil.
Clearly somebody has been driving this issue for the last five months, and it takes money to do that. The question then is who was providing the money to arrange all this. The ulema as we well know rarely spend their own money on things as important as this. And, within the Ummah, the only people who have the sort of money needed for such activity are the oil producers. So, back we are with big oil. Only the "why" needs to be figured out.

lets see. oil, oil prices, iran oil producing country, iran going nuclear, baluchistan freedom movement, danish cartoons (september 2005 + 5 months), muslim mobs in pakistan, jordan, syria, india, 2007 attack on tehran? dunno man, just asking :s but if that IS the case, the american troops be warned. it gets very hot in summers in this part of the world, so you want to worry about the weather factor in your strategy. target you attack around october '07 onwards. oct '06 will be too soon and too obvious. and there is still some money left before oil prices reach $70 a barrel. ------------------------------------------------------------------ if you want to hear a good song, try linkin park's believe me. i rather much like it. or you could try fort minor's remember the name. i rather much like that too.

under the tracks

2006-02-14T00:15:00.000+05:00

you know what i was thinking? about what would be the saddest thing on the planet? it would have to be the closing down of small businesses, for whatever reasons... negative cashflows, or poor management, or just poor ideas. but really, it is heartbreaking, to see someone's dreams and efforts going to waste. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- go directly to jail. you will not pass go. you will not collect 200. you will never pass go. you will never collect 200. why the hell dont you just go back to where you came from? no one wants you here. what will you do hanging around anyways? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When you try your best but you don't succeed When you get what you want but not what you need When you feel so tired but you can't sleep Stuck in reverse And the tears come streaming down your face When you lose something you can't replace When you love someone but it goes to waste Could it be worse? me thinks fix you is my new anthem... for a little while at least. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- sorry ive been so late with the replies hun, but here's somat: four things: four jobs ive had umm... have i had four jobs? my first one was as an exam coordinator for the british council pakistan, which at that time seemed like big shit :" umm... uskay baad...well, there was the paper i worked at in various capacities, ive taught ceramics (for a month or two only), ive umm... oh crap. i dont have a fourth job... NO WAIT!!! got it ... editing at that publisher.... aha! four movies ive watched repeatedly ok, this is going to sound bad. but the movies ive been totally crazy about, i havent been able to watch more than once. mostly, cuz watching them again doesnt have the same impact... movies like the shawshank redemption... or even lord of the rings trilogy... havent been able to do them more than once... but the movies that i HAVE watched repeatedly are: i) the parent trap (i LOVE this flick) ii) shrek iii) aladdin iv) pretty woman *shrugs* yeah, yeah i know. cheesy, innit? told ya! four places ive liked: hard to say... liked how? the scenery? the drive? the memories ive gathered there? well? i remember collecting sea shells at a saudi beach, way past midnight... when i was 8... so i guess, if that image has stuck, that's saying somat? i loved alton towers... that was like the biggest theme park in europe before euro disney... i loved the caves in bath... or was it some place near bath? no, i think it was bath. was awesome! im really not much for deep dark places, seeing as how ive actually become claustrophobic over time... but i was normal then :p lastly? and i guess most importantly, id HAVE to say my village... during winters... i loved going there as a kid, sleeping in rui ki razaiyan, having desi ghee kay parathay with salan for breakfast... alongwith meethi lassi... asking my dad "Are we there yet?" after every 5 minutes on that 3 hour journey... lol. good times. four tv shows: im sure this one is easy: 1) the OC, the OC (Season 2), the OC (season 3, 4 episodes -- that's how far ive seen it yet) [eds: ok, hemlock is cheating here... or she's gone insane] 2) fraiser 3) who's line is it anyways 4) kim possible/powerpuff girls (i love chicks who can kick ass) four vacation spots: (im doing places where i'd want to spend my vacations, not necessarily where i've spent them yet) hmmm... shangri-la, most definitely scotland... southern france? dunno... oh oh oh! New Zealand. four dishes i like: ooo... tuff one. lets see... we loves nihari, with sheermaal... o yes we do, my precioussssssssssssssssss... umm... aloo / keemay/ mulee kay parathey?? (does that count as a dish?) oh oh oh!!! fish and chips :D mutton karahi... with roghni naan and coke. i dunno... im absotively crazy about food... dunno if this is true, OR fair... but it is. four sites i visit daily: my gmail. google.com ummm... my blog? that's about it. usually dont hang around online for too long. as in, not if i can help it. four people i would tag: i dont know. i dont think i know four people :)

2006-02-09T23:54:00.000+05:00

tiger sprawling in the sun

of riddles you dont want to solve

2006-02-09T21:43:00.000+05:00

would life still be this hard, this complicated, if the circle of life was actually a square? ------------------------------------------------------------- the last one year? has been the hardest ever. i dont complain, i try to find a silver lining in every cloud, im the brightest of the orange oranges. ive glown with happiness all my life, ive never let anything dampen my spirit, and ive got witnesses. but im so so tired now. i really am ive had enough. but the funny thing is, it doesnt end here. the next three months of my life will probably be worse. harder, if it could be possible. you know that ray of sunshine? i need it. now. i've never ever ever given up. but i just cant struggle anymore. sunshine. now. please. i know ive come to the end of this road. is this the end of me too? would it matter if it were? i want to get out of here.

behind blue eyes

2006-02-07T22:38:00.000+05:00

pop quiz: of the two people... a and b, which would be harder to live/get along with? a' spersonality traits: highly dependable, predictable, to the point of being compulsively stubborn. b's personality traits: extremely erratic, highly inflammable and unpredictable to the point of being blissfully confused. now put the two in every possible situation, and tell me... which of the two is well... "difficult" ?! ------------------------------------------------------------- while i know how meeks hates this, here's another eminem song i MUCH like Yeah I know sometimes things may not always make sense to you right now But hey, what'd daddy always tell you? Straighten up little soldier Stiffen up that upper lip What you crying about? You got me I can see you're sad, even when you smile, even when you laugh I can see it in your eyes, deep inside you want to cry Cuz you're scared, I ain't there? Daddy's with you in your prayers No more crying, wipe them tears Daddy's here, no more nightmares We gonna pull together through it, we gonna do it We're all we got in this world When it spins, when it swirls When it whirls, when it twirls Two little beautiful girls Lookin' puzzled, in a daze I know it's confusing you And if you ask me to Daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird I'mma give you the world I'mma buy a diamond ring for you I'mma sing for you I'll do anything for you to see you smile And if that mockingbird don't sing and that ring don't shine I'mma break that birdies neck I'll go back to the jeweler who sold it to ya And make him eat every carat don't fck with dad Now hush little baby, don't you cry Everything's gonna be alright and i wont tell no one your name.

exactly what does killing someone achieve?

2006-02-06T19:12:00.000+05:00

my best friend was in denmark when this whole cartoon debate started, and i'd say ive known about it ever since. i never thought it was worth mentioning, or bringing to light, because everytime you highlight something negative, you are inviting more people too look at it, and you in fact become a tool for dissemination of filth. one example would be me stumbling across an israeli website called ***... i was stunned at the level of crap those guys had put up, against my prophet, my god, my religion... my beliefs. for a while, i tried to engage them in a decent discussion, giving them my point of view, trying to ignore their ignorance, listening to what they had to say; i tried to go beyond the surface to see where all that misinformation had come about from, to create such a strong bias against islam. of the 40 or so people engaged in that discussion, only 3-4 were decent enough to not abuse islam and all what was related to it. three days into the "dialogue" i gave up. i knew the odds were stacked against me, and my voice wasnt strong enough. that, and the fact that i dont have patience to deal with ignorance. i really dont. that said, these danish cartoons arent the first time ive come across blasphemy against my religion. how do i deal with it? do i burn danish embassies in my country? or do i go marching, holding placards and banners? here's my response. the so called "debate" has been going on for 6 months now. that's a bloody long time. seeing as how sensitive an issue religion can be, for most people. you are messing with their core beliefs, a part of them that works purely on emotion, NOT logic. for the last SIX months, muslims across europe have been asking for an apology, saying, it isnt funny to fuk with our religion. do what you damn well like with your mothers and daughters, put them up for sale on the internet, none of our business. it wasnt us muslims who said by the next decade, 80% of all kids born in the US will be "bastards". it was bill clinton. we just say we DONT allow people to mess with our values, because some of our laws go beyond what can be vetoed by the senate. for the last six months, the "moderate", "sensible" and "balanced" individuals who follow this one particular religion have been saying, "look, what you did has offended us, it isnt funny, and we would appreciate it if you accept the fact that you ARE trying to stir up trouble, which we DONT want to create, because we have better things to do". but no. the danish paper chose instead, to call for "solidarity amongst european press, in the name of freedom of speech". okay. have it your way. oh, and by-the-way... be careful what you wish for. sookhi lakri ko teeli dekhao gay, to aag to lagay gi.

"D! yer so stooooooopid!" dexter

2006-02-02T10:09:00.000+05:00

hehehehehehehe hahahahaha!!! ROFLOL... u know what? i dont feel stupid anymore :D i mean seriously, how embarrassing is that? i know it's almost evil to be laughing at someone else's misfortunes, but terrible things become funny when they happen to other people (a joke i had just received after the october 8 earthquake: what should you do immediately after an earthquake? go to the victims, point at them, and laugh, saying: ha ha ha! who told you to live next on a fault line?) i know. i didnt find it funny. i found it terribly distasteful, that you could mock someone's tragedy like that... but come on, breaking a priceless vase in a museum isnt in the same league. but in other news, the chinese landed on american before columbus? imagine that though :D america owes its existance to the chinese. im gettin really funny ideas... *smacks head -- "focus hemmie, focus* gotta class to rush to... naah, not really, im just dying for coffee... but chk this out... this is what we do for royalty... "o i just cant wait to be king"... and gotta post comments about Multinationals wait for Basant date and Supreme Court sends class eight student with parents i swear man... when i in grade 8, i was too busy planning suicide to notice anything else. what is the world coming to? must.rush.to.coffee. *leaves incomplete blog*

psycho babble

2006-01-31T18:35:00.000+05:00

if you had a choice, would you rather be a victim of mental agony, or physical torture? oh, and there is no third choice. i mean, yeah, it's a morbid question to ask, but i was thinking about it while i was watching the third test match between india and pakistan. it's like... sportsmen get paid for falling. that's it. u go out on a field, take a fall attempting to catch a ball, and go home with $10,000. playing sport doesnt take too much intellect, which explains why men are so good at it. on the other hand, if someone was going to pay me $10,000 to fall, i wouldn't do it. im smarter than that. just wondering which kind of pain is worse. or if it is all relative

mind games

2006-01-30T13:39:00.000+05:00

while i really must get cracking on an exam assignment, one quick thought. you know what i think? i think the concept of achievement is rather over-rated. hyped. made out to be much much more than it is. no seriously. the phenomenon of Dr. Phil would never exist if there was no depression to cure; depression that then has to be artificially induced by equating average with everybody, and making that come out like a bad thing. you know people were actually happy, before they aired lifestyles of the rich and famous. -------------------------------------------- care for some humuhumunukunukuapuaa? or would you rather be beat in the head by pirates?

walk. only where ive marked a trail for you.

2006-01-29T23:39:00.000+05:00

stupid lahore marathon. the city was paralyzed for over 6 hours. i swear, if i didnt know the right people, i wouldve hated being in this country. the honest, decent man never finds his way around. you need police escort to open barriers for you. literally.

good riddance.

2006-01-28T10:26:00.000+05:00

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go So make the best of this test, and don't ask why It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right I hope you had the time of your life. So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial For what it's worth it was worth all the while It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right I hope you had the time of your life.

hear! hair!

2006-01-28T00:52:00.000+05:00

if i were ever a super hero, i'd be umm... invisible woman. my super power being the ability to be absolutely invisible. totally. completely. very, very, invisible. ------------------------------- [eds note: picture edited for obscene content] the issue being, for the last two years, ive carried a very short crop. a very, very short crop... it's so much easier to handle, and carry... except as off late, everyone and their goldfish have been telling me to grow out my hair, cuz umm... they would like to see a change. and that without exaggeration, most of my male friends had hair longer than mine. fair enough. it cant be that bad, right? except that it is. not only do such short hair take time to grow (this picture was actually taken like 6 weeks after the actual shearing itself... so imagine how short im used to keeping it)... but... it just feels so weird. it's like... stability... ugh... i almost feel committed ... and ummm... compelled to be all mature, and serious and like non-flippant... and boring. and grounded. the issue is, why cant i just go out and get my hair cut again, right? cuz, i would feel very guilty for letting so many ppl down. talk about being screwed up. it's my hair, my life, my choice. and look at how im allowing others to not only comment, but also influence my decision. im such a freak ------------------------------- jin zakhmon ko wakt bher chala hai tum kiyun unhain cheray ja rahay ho rekhaon ka kehl hai muqadder rekhaon say maat kha rahay ho

oddly enough

2006-01-25T14:48:00.000+05:00

i've decided it's much fun living in a space/time dis-continuum. it's rather like... "livin it up at the hotel california"... you know, you umm... if you understand, and accept all things as being transitory, then this life can be like a one big holiday... or a never-ending-till-death-do-us-part-1 vacation. or a part 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 or 7, if you believe in re-incarnation. im sure i dont believe in re-incarnation, except well, i have this theory about a friend of mine. he loves to eat. he literally worships the food he eats. he umm... it's like, when u watch him eat, you stop eating, because just watching him relish his food is such a fun thing to do. he becomes one with his food. his food is him. he is his food. it's complicated. his name is danish right, and he's fat. no seriously, he's fat, in an unhealthy sort of way. he doesnt walk. he moves like something very big which moves with great difficulty. he doesnt like moving. he likes to sit and eat. you can make him move if you promise to give him something he can sit and eat. but coming back to reincarnation. one fine day, when he was moving with all his might and glory (he was walking to class), a though struck me. i was like dude, you know you could be like a hindu-god reincarnate. and as i thought more about it, i realised that is what it was... danish, was actully the hindu god daneeesh in his past life, and he was the god of food. so all the little people would come to him with their best produce as offerings and sacrifice, so daneeesh would do small favours for them, or grant their prayers. but as the population grew, and competition became tougher, people began to give him more and more food, cooked better and better... and daneesh would only listen to people who brought him the bestest biggest steaks in the land. and then, as people fought to out-do each other, and give more and more food to daneesh, they began to run out of food. slowly and steadily, everyone starved to death, cuz daneeesh et all the food. and when no one was left to feed him, daneesh decided to committ suicide, and come back as a mortal, who's mom would feed him just as much. and that is the story of danish. and im sure somewhere in there is the reincarnation i was talking about, but i got carried away by the thought of steaks. and danish eating them. he's just too cool. at times, when im bored, i ask him to have lunch with me. then i pay for his steak and watch him eat. it's too cool. ------------------------------------------------- coming back to the space time discontinuum, i think this is the sexiest machine out there... umm... can i say that on my blog? sexy? umm.. but i cant help it... it is... im thinking of selling my soul to the devil, if i can exchange my cell fones for newer hotter ones every now and then and then again. i gave my 3230 to my baby sis. it looks better with her :D actually, i wouldnt really sell my soul to the devil for just cell fones. he's gonna have to throw in laptops, iPods, and a tonne of other gadgety stuff too. but the SLVR L7... yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmy! read on and drool here. which by the way, brings me to some interesting gossip. porsche is in pakistan. errr. wtf? someone's lost their marbles, and it aint me... waisay, it's all good for me, i get to drool over their hoardings... the other day, i ALMOST banged my car doing that. i mean hello... you cant expect to put up pictures of them beauties, and expect people to keep their eyes on the road... toying with my emotions i say! down with apartheid! i wonder if they will let me go for a test drive... and this looks like an interesting article... me thinks i shall read it when i have time. oh, and yeah... mukhtaran mai gets her very own biography, that too in 32 languages. plus she gets to meet with the french foreign minister. and then u want to know why musharraf says believes women get raped so they can get free McMeals. u know, i think there's truth to be heard just yet. and mukhtaran mai may not be the one speakin it. she's too busy getting woman of the year award from bill clinton. im sorry, but there is something VERY wrong with the picture, isnt there? :)

father, daughter and the holy ghost

2006-01-19T23:36:00.000+05:00

0_0 zee blogger et my post !@!@! out on these lonely roads... so we have thys ultra overpriced joint here in lahore, that serves the best pina colada in the city. i find myself drawn to that place over and over again, because of the decor. the have the most uncomfortable sofas on the planet, the kind you just sink into, and the tables are too high. featured invariably, you find yourself eating with the elbows resting on the table. chicago grill serves the worst food in the city, yet i go there time and time again, so i can oogle shamelessly at the dozens of paintings and murals that have been done up and put on the brick red walls. busted the murals are done in light pastel colours, and the place oozes the charm of the 50s and the 60s. images have been taken directly from the godfather, and the untouchables, two of my all time favourites. mystified i went there a few days ago, to order two takeaway pina-coladas. (that's all i could afford). while waiting, i started taking pictures of the paintings that intrigue me so, and while i was in the act, the manager walked in on me. i felt like i'd been caught cheating in my A levels or something. too bad about that. i really was only admiring... walking tall i wish i could paint, i really do. i tried drawing the other day. i cracked myself up. it was funny. so i put my art material away. lastly in other news, i know i had fever, but i can swear i was awake when i dreamt i saw my dad. and in the dream, i freak out for a moment, wondering how that is possible, and the disconnected part of the brain tells me, it's just a dream. so teh dreaming part asks, but if im awake, how can i be dreaming? the awake part says: just go back to sleep. im screwed in the head. excuse me while i go look for a transplant. im looking for a bonsai. send me one? see? and here... but this is JUST SICK!

tears in heaven

2006-01-16T00:43:00.000+05:00

who's gonna drive you home, tonight? i had promised myself i wouldnt blog, until i had a fun blog to blog, cuz honestly speaking, i only just realised what a dull joint this place was becoming. BUT shit hath happened!!! 'they' sold my baby... i mean my car... today. gone. i woke up, heard the voices of some men in the other part of the house... there was talking, laughing... and then... that was that. my car was gone. it was grey and cloudy all day today. and it rained. it's way past midnight, and it's still raining. i wonder if it is a coincidence.

zanzibar. is so much fun to say. zan-zi-bar. see.

2006-01-12T00:36:00.000+05:00

studying psychology was fun cuz you learnt what (or who) a catatonic schizophrenic was. beyond that, some part of me is glad i never pursued it. some time ago, for some marketing assignment of mine, i had to study personalities... while doing so, i ended up giving some personality test, and this is what the result was. since then, i have niether had the time, nor the inclination, nor the slightest bit of interest to read what it says. im actually rather sick of these generic outcomes that depending on the number of different options available, are applicable to from around 1,619,362,750 people (as in this case, with 4 different outcomes), to the more focused ones, where each outcome would explain the personalities of 323,872,550 people (of course the assumption here being the world population was equally split and compartmentalized). whatever the case may be, you may be interested in knowing princess diana and i share the same personality type. 0_o yeah, ok, i dont kn0w how that was important, and frankly, i dont much care, but seeing as how they went thru all that effort to link her, audery hepburn, and richard gere to that page, i'm assuming it's supposed to be important, or to mean something. look. if you bother to read what it says about me, let me know too? or actually. dont. i know me well enough. and then some. ---------------------------------------- but in most important news, im gonna fly. i dont know how, i dont know when, but i've decided it's something im going to do. whenever. ---------------------------------------- He woke up the room was bare He didn't see her anywhere He told himself he didn't care pushed the window open wide Felt an emptiness inside to which he just could not relate Brought on by a simple twist of fate. People tell me it's a sin To know and feel too much within I still believe she was my twin but I lost the ring She was born in spring but I was born too late Blame it on a simple twist of fate. -- bob dylan

in sickness and in health

2006-01-10T15:38:00.000+05:00

daphne du maurier has got to be the most warped author ever... and not in the stephen king way... stephen king is just plain sick... with her, her sickness is almost intangible. she's so... intense. i just finished reading her short stories... and i think a part of me envies her... the ability to think on so many levels... to come up with such morbid interpretations of relatively mundane things. this woman kicks ass. she's just... brilliant. although i have been scorned at, very recently, for reading her... "i read du maurier when i was 13". my reply to that? "whatever" a couple of other books i recently read, but wouldnt really recommend them to anyone are by robert ludlum. which isnt saying they were bad. it's just saying ludlum really isnt my cup of tea. and im sure i can make that claim having read the bourne identity, and the bourne supremacy... both of which i found written in a very similar style. his books are a must read if you want to know exactly how much pressure to exert at what point on the arm to hear the bone "craaack"... i was very sure i wasnt overly fond of him once i had finished the bourne identity...but force of habit and extreme boredom led me to pick up the sequel... and anyways, i have this rule of reading the book before watching the movie, one i have almost always been able to comply with, except in the case of andrew loydd webber's the phantom of the opera. (and not for a minute did i regret my decision to get the DVD. the musical is absotively fantabulous. the book? *faints*) i swear, that book is perhaps as unreadable as james joyce's ulysses... or maybe i'm being too harsh... but considering how unreadable ulysses is, i just think it's unfair to consider it in the top 100 books of all times. while we are on the subject of awful books, add a portrait of the artist as a young man to the list. consider the title, and imagine how much fun the book is going to be. =P but coming back to the books i HAVE read, and ludlum in particular, i would read the bourne ultimatum if i could get my hands on it (keeping with tradition, i prefer not to buy books... it's cheaper to read and return, and buy only what u think is worth owning); for a couple of reasons. a) i do things complete sets. and b) while ludlum isnt someone i'd recommend, that doesnt mean he's someone i wouldnt read. (i tend to treat myself rather shabbily). i remember doing that with erich segal. i owned/read about more than half a dozen books of his (which thankfully my best friend gave away on my behalf). except for love story, which everyone and their dog has read, i cannot recall a single book of his which was outstanding in terms of conent. that guy was literally a waste of time. *shudder* terrible, terrible stuff. anyways, i dont particularly want to blog about erich segal, and im pretty much done with ludlum... so i guess... that's about it? ----------------------------------------------------- "love means never having to say you are sorry" -- love story.

the apple tree.

2006-01-09T01:23:00.000+05:00

do you believe in destiny? i dont know what i believe in. and it can be a strange existance, not knowing what to believe. or believing nothing. it's strange. how you can give meaning to someone's life. when your own is meaningless. when you are so hollow and empty from within, your "being" alone can result in a smile on someone's face. i dont try. believe me, i dont. i am not arrogant enough to think i'm worth anything, let alone intrinsic to anyone's happiness; at the same time, i know what my "not being" would do to them. so i go on, day in, day out. just being. living a life that is empty. existing in a void. watchinng the time go by. knowing that just as i find the passing seconds hard to bear, my bearing them with a smile is making life a less bitter pill to swallow for someone else. i didnt ask for this. i'm not saying im not to blame. and im not even going to ask "why me?" i'm over that. im just wondering how long :) im wondering who is stronger. me, or the hand that was dealt to me. you know what's funny? it isnt even a battle i chose to fight. but im sticking to my guns, cuz one morning, i woke up to find me in the middle of it all. i shouldve stepped away, chosen a different path when i had heard the battleships ahead. my mistake was that i had thought i would walk around it, or by it, and no one would notice. wishful thinking? my dad used to ask me when i would grow up. IF i would ever grow up. i'm as averse to the idea today as i was four years ago. but today i find i dont have a choice. --------------------------------------------------------------------- "we live in an imperfect world. which means there are an infinite number of possibilities." -- meeks that is the second most potent thing ive ever heard. it could actually alter my outlook towards life. i dont know. the first would have to be "shit happens" -- forrest gump. although, tell me. which would be worse - if shit happened, or if shit didnt happen? --------------------------------------------------------------------- went to a private gig today. it was nice. it was... i sat there for about two and a half hours, wondering what the hell i was doing there. and then i left. --------------------------------------------------------------------- i went to a wedding yesterday, and the day before. it was of one of my closest friends. i didnt go to the mehndi. understandably, she was pissed. and i had no excuses to give her. it's hard to explain to people how there are phases in your life, when you dont want to cloud their happiness, by hovering around them... i wanted to do nothing more yesterday, than just crawl in my bed, and hide my face under the covers. it wouldbe impossible to try and explain the amount of effort it took, to drag myself out of the bed, not look like a wild cat who's had its fur chewn off in a cat fight, and show up at that wedding. and what for? to eventually go up to her and tell her she looked like a dream (Which she did, but im sure the 600 people there had already told her that). i dont get it. why is it hardest to explain to friends... when they are supposed to hear unspoken words? her wedding would've happened without me being there. the first day did. and no one on the planet can wish her more success and happiness than i do. i love that chick from the core of my heart...why would she not have understood my not coming? i ran into all these people i DONT recognize from here and there, and it was like dude... i knew you in another lifetime. you cannot come up to me after 6 years and expect me to remember your name. i dont expect you to remember mine. i dont, in fact, expect you to remember me. cant you just leave me alone to spend my life in oblivion? it would be so much more convenient for all of us.

new year blues and yellows

2006-01-04T12:36:00.000+05:00

my "happy" new year *belch* started most amazingly in fact :) at 5 in the morning, i got a call from meeks... him: happy new year ... me: err... are you insane??? im SLEEPING!!! it's FIVE in the morning... him: i know! beautiful morning, isnt it? me: you arent letting me go back to sleep, are you? him: NO *loud grin in his voice* *sigh* 5 minutes later, when i was up and wide awake, he goes: well, i gotta go, have fun, bye! yeay? :) and THEN, a few hours later, i got a call from halfway across the world. that was ubberawesome! :) we chatted for like half hour, and it was so so cool just the antidepressent one needs to start their year with :) i only wish i could ever once brighten someone's day like mine was. thanx D. that said, i feel like posting my track list (in no particular order) as on January 1, 2006. (these songs i keep in my cell...) The rasmus - in the shadows dido - thank you jeff buckley - hallelujah alexi murdoch - orange sky coldplay - under the tracks lifehouse - sick cycle carousel lifehouse - quasimodo counting crows - accidently in love deft tones - no ordinary love james blunt - you're beautiful lifehouse - everything goo goo dolls - name destiny's child - say my name schiller - ruhe anastasia - left outside alone black eyes peas - the elephunk theme creed - arms wide open hoobastank - reason is you dido - white flag third eye blind - i'll never let you go third eye blind - semi charmed life beyonce knowles - baby boy gladiator - main theme (trance mix) green day - time of your life avril lavinge - complicated lothlorien - ghostwood

smallville

2005-12-30T23:32:00.000+05:00

a man has been known to do crazy things when he has nothing to do. a woman suffers no such ailments. she just takes random pictures of random nothings. take the following picture for example. if according to the signs, the red bin is for glass, the green one for food/organic, the blue one for paper and the orange one for plastic, than why is the green bin under the red sign, the orange bin under the green sign, and the red bin under the orange sign? do you realise how complicated things can get? and i thought relationships were hard. here, recycling is posing a threat to my sanity. but my friend told me not to worry "you can be dumped in any/all of the bins." friends. what would u do without them. 10 reasons i love pakistan. this was JUST beautiful. totally completely thoroughly beautiful. i'm AMAZED (stunned, m0rtified, appalled at the level of ignorance prevalent in our qaum (folkses). it's sad how money isnt a guarantee of ANYTHING... *sigh* my life these days? if you look really really hard, you WONT be able to spot the building behind the tree :) i took this picture as soon as i got to college 8 am. and then at 10 am :) if you look real hard, you STILL wont be able to see the building :) if only everything in life could vanish so easy. hello sHunshine the shun likes me. we play hide and seek. that's the shun, shmiling down at me. through the fog. fenk u shun. u cheer me up :) *goofy smile*

it is nothing compared to what it can be

2005-12-28T20:43:00.000+05:00

drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip... {eds note: for details, go here.}

2005-12-27T00:39:00.000+05:00

it is strange how i can empathise... :)

wasted

2005-12-25T02:35:00.000+05:00

ever been in that state of conflict, where the only right option is the third one... the one that isnt on the board? of getting sloshed and driving into a wall?

this ain't no love song

2005-12-21T19:40:00.000+05:00

you know what's really sad? in my 24 long years, ive only ever been dedicated a song once. one time, in my whole life! and that too by my best friend when she was djay-ing at a local radio station. that was cool though... she called me in a rush one day... shouting, unnaah (her name for me), switch on your radio... which i did... and she had a very sweet message, and she played my favourite song from when i was young :) RDB's Daru... the idea behind that song kicked ass... (when one was young and foolish, and believed the world was at their feet...) now, it doesnt hold the same. but seriously!!! what a sad sad existance. i just cant stop laughing. today as i was driving home from school, i was (wishfully) thinking, that if anyone would ever write/sing/compose a song for me, it would have to be somewhat similar to chris isaac's wicked game. that song has soul. it's so beautiful!!! umm cheezy, i agree, but then the whole concept of having a song written for one is cheezy... so i guess that cancels out. i was once dedicated a song by association *grin* see, well, once we were in school... that sad age of a decade ago, we were out at this "hip" joint called copper kettle (it had only recently opened, and had hell loads of snob appeal to it... since the idea of such a joint in the then pakistan was very novel in itself). they had thys most gorgeous lookin DJ there, who also happened to be "like, the cutest guy on the planet" ... DJ oozy (comments of now: eww). anyways. so it was like my birthday, and as a treat, i was allowed to have it there... which was like, the best birthday present ever (*rolls eyes*). there came a friend of mine, looking...umm... very "hot" in a red dress, and over and over again, some guys kept on getting "lady in red" played for her... with a "special" message thrown in now and then. i still think since i was the birthday girl and i was wearing maroon, that song SHOULDVE been dedicated to me :/ *hmph* and i think that since she was MY friend, was wearing red (very close to maroon), and it was my birthday, the song was actually meant for me. but yeah, a sad sad story of my life... no odes dedicated to my flowing(?) raven black(?) hair... my fair (???) skin... err... i cant believe i've just typed this post out. *rolls on the floor, dies laughing* but yeah, remember, it's high time someone wrote me a sonnet... if u wish to write a song, take a few lessons from chris isaac... :) humpty dumpty is good too, if you are a novice at poetry.

i want to play with legos

2005-12-19T23:17:00.000+05:00

i had a really really really nice day. after a loooong time :) despite that it ended with me being hell sick, having caught the bug... im at peace after ages :) subhanallah.

sick cycle carousel

2005-12-17T22:32:00.000+05:00

If shame had a face I think it would kind of look like mine If it had a home would it be my eyes Would you believe me if I said I am tired of this Well here we go one more time I tried to climb your steps I tried to chase you down I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground I tried to earn my way I tried to change this mind You better believe that I tried to beat this So when will this end It goes on and on And over and over and over again Keep spinning around I know that it won’t stop Till I step down from this for good I never thought I’d end up here I never thought I’d be standing where I am I guess I kind of thought it would be easier than this I guess I was wrong now one more time Cause I tried to climb your steps I tried to chase you down I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground I tried to earn my way I tried to change this mind You better believe that I tried to beat this, So when will this end It goes on and on And over and over and over again Keep spinning around I know that it won’t stop Till I step down from this Sick cycle carousel, this is a sick cycle, yeah Sick cycle carousel This is a sick cycle yeah So when will this end It goes on and on And over and over and over again Keep spinning around I know that it won’t stop Till I step down from this for good When will this endIt goes on and on And over and over and over again Keep spinning around I know that it won’t stop Till I step down from this for good Sick cycle carousel Sick cycle carousel Sick cycle carousel Sick cycle carousel Sick cycle carousel Sick cycle carousel Sick cycle carousel -- lifehouse when you dont have the words, post lyrics :)

will self destruct in five... four... three... two...

2005-12-14T19:47:00.000+05:00

im alhamdolillah well fed, have had my evening cuppa chai, and life right now, seems beautiful. i have time for a shower, and time to manicure my nails. i've paid my astronomical phone bill, although im wondering how THAT has come to be. since i dont call ppl. i just text. i hate texting, but ive been doing it so often lately, that my sms bill is three times that of my outgoing calls. *shrugs* i was hysterical this evening. totally, completely. edgy. i came home from school, starving, yeh woh... and i come home to find that my kitchen has been torn down. it was expected, but i just never imagined the implications. one of which was that i wouldnt get my two cups of chai i HAVE to have as soon as i return from school. the other was the missing lunch. but beyond that, hungry and caffine depreived, i took my car in to the workshop, to leave it there for a week, for reconstruction and a face-lift... except the guy said i would have to bring it in "day after tomorrow, at 9am sharp"... wtf... even our neurosurgeons dont act so pompous. besides that, my car needs an oil change, a new battery, and a host of other minor repairs. uff i was devastated bringing it back home. *sigh* i want to see it happy again :$ im not thinking straight right now. between publishing and saving this post as a draft, im double minded. im obviously preoccupied with meeks, who talks too much... which is why i totally love him. meeks, have i told u i love u? here's what we were talking about, which basically kept me from blogging about whatever it was i had been dying to blog about... im blind melon... he's decayed. blind melon says: im bringing him to your party blind melon says: he might not want to come though ..decadance says: oh it's not happening ..decadance says: sister isn't coming any more. blind melon says: WHAT ..decadance says: or ***e. blind melon says: NO WAY ..decadance says: they went to the embassy ..decadance says: and the embassy pissed them off ..decadance says: so ***e said he doesn't want to go. blind melon says: I REALLY REALLY WANTED TO GO TO A RICH PPL PARTY! ..decadance says: . ..decadance says: ... ..decadance says: so did i dude! blind melon says: ROFLOL blind melon says: where they serve champagne and wear little little clothes blind melon says: and eat with 6 different types of forks ..decadance says: hahah ..decadance says: yes. ..decadance says: one of those. ...... blind melon says: ive gone too quiet ..decadance says: so? ..decadance says: isn't that alright? ..decadance says: i mean that's what i'd want if i was you... ..decadance says: guys love to talk you know. ..decadance says: if we do all the talking, ..decadance says: we think we've had a good time. ..decadance says: if you do all the talking blind melon says: LOL ..decadance says: we think you've had a good time. ....... blind melon says: can i blog a bit of our convo? ..decadance says: sure... ..decadance says: just because you're so cute. and that last part? i saved it simply cuz ppl dont tell me im "cute" too often... i mean, often enough.

crunch.

2005-12-12T16:42:00.000+05:00

i really like to be positive about things. i mean that. i like to see the silver lining in every cloud, and when i cant find one, i improvise. i brought my car home today. in another car. ok, that may be an exageration, cuz most of the car was intact, but someone decided to cut a red light, and ram into my car, and then drive off. i had a friend with me at that time, he goes, you wanna chase that guy? i was like no... honestly, i was so disgusted by the whole issue, that i really believed, if i HAD caught up with him, i wouldve ripped him to shreds. just like he did my car. my brand-fucking-new car. Rrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip! drove STRAIGHT into mine. because my signal was green, and i was taking a turn. maybe he was in a hurry. immediately, at that point, a couple of things had occured to me: a) my car is insured. b) it was smack noon. i didnt want to create a scene in the middle of the square. we pakistanis have a flair for drama, and a passion for theatre. a huge crowd gathering to get kicks out of my misery wouldnt have helped. c) the damage was done. my kicking his face in would have been unproductive. d) only YESTERDAY, i ahd witnessed two AWFUL accidents in the very vacinity; in one incident, one car had turned turtle, and the other had climbed up a pole. it is difficult to say if either of the drivers had survived. as those scenes rang thru my mind, i thanked Allah that both me and my friend were safe. period. (lets see. he's insured, im not) :p this was what my car looked like, as i drove it home. as my friend and i plonked the torn plastic into the back seat, we came to the conclusion that without sufficient cover, even the honda civic can be one ugly car :) im trying to make light of the situation here. humour me. if anything, my head has been reeling, and ive got a serious headache from teh hysterics. and i cant really let it out when im hysterical. so i ended up watching the 20- yr anniversary of the oprah winfrey show instead. when my sister came home, she gave me a hug, a high-five, and the compliments "not a bad, gurl!" my mom, saw the car, asked me WHY i hadnt chased the jerk and brought him to justice, and is now trying to sleep the tension off. silly girl, she wont be able to, she can never sleep when she is tense. ive called my brother, asking him to come home, so we can take the car to be fixed. it's trip to the metaldoctor is long overdue anyways! where the bumper used to be... lots of scratches remain :( you know, if im going to be responsible for manhandling the car, i'd like to give it JUST ONE HIT. the sort of a hit a car of this calibre deserves.

the treason of isengard

2005-12-11T03:35:00.000+05:00

i have being edgy, or restless. the feeling is so... eww i end up wearing down the carpet in the living room. and you can only do 386 rounds of a room before you get bored, and perhaps itchier. eww hmph. i need some serious sugar to calm my nerves. or somat. cola maybe? plus i need to download the ghostbuster's theme song. but cuz i almost erased all the programmes on my pc, im having to reinstall limewire, which is taking forever. eww plus ive messed the mouse, and now need a new one. that is just soooo eww! i have a lunch meeting with my prospective boss tomorrow. it's bloody important. supposedly. im just like... eww. i have to update my CV, and send it in to the career development officer. ugh. i cant believe im doing this. like really really doing it. :) what's funny is how im totally unfit for the system. i had an interview with P&G last year. the most coveted organization in the world. they have like a rigorous recruiting process, with like 10 tests before they call you for a series of interviews. if you are rejected once (at any stage), you can apply again, but the dont consider you. it's as simple as that. and if you dont get in as an internee, you dont get in, period. so, i go in for this job interview... yeh woh... it was going fine, until she asked me what my future plans were. so i looked her straight in the eye, and said, well, inshallah, three yrs from now, im going to have my own business. ok. if you dont know what that means, you NEVER mention such blasphemous desires, specially when you are signing up to be a corporate bitch! needless to say, they didnt call me back for a second interview :D hehehe. koi bat nai, shit happens ;) anyways, so like, my car broke down today. it was hilarious. i go a knight in shinin armour to rescue me. it was so cool. im wondering what to get him as a thank u gift. he's a friend, but only a very recent one... but he totally helped me out, and i hate being indebted :$ flowers? or chocolates? a .4 calibre S&W? considering how he doesnt smoke...?

blur

2005-12-08T23:12:00.000+05:00

a very old friend of mine, whom i never really chat with, msged me today, saying my nick was very depressing, and if everything was ok. i had to explain to him the nick wasnt of my choosing, and it was more of how meeks had described my life... or me rather... as bleeding to death. you can ask HIM where he got to that conclusion from. but i sorta kinda maybe agreed a bit with it. i mean, when a thing stops growing, it starts dying right? ive bene 5'6" for three yrs now. but im sure that isnt what someone meant. i forgot who was saying what. i got distracted by these really cute emoticons ive stolen from a friend's msn. umm, but yeah, bleeding to death, does sound rather melodramatic, innit. *Shrugs* but i feel really weird at times, seriously as if all happiness is being sucked out of me. i know that isnt really possible, because my chemical composition is inherently that of a happy person... i cant be sad for too long... but these days, ive just been depressed for longer and longer intervals, with their frequency increasing also. and if anything, i do it to myself. for whatever reasons. i may even have a perfect solution to my problem also, but i guess im just not miserable enough to drag me out of my misery yet. i wonder how long.

home again

2005-12-03T20:27:00.000+05:00

it's back to school tomorrow, and my stuff is still lying in the school lockers, which means if i am to do something about that guilt that is bothering me, i need to go pick it up. that way, i might feel less bad about not being prepared for class tomorrow. i mean. at least i made the effort of going out and picking up the stuff. anyways, almost the entire week has been spent trying to clean up this damn machine im running, and it's a tough job, when the only thing you know about computers is how to log on to msn. for some reason, my drives are showing much much more "used space" than they are actually using. for the c drive, atleast 1.5 gb IS vacant... but it's only showing me 600mb... and i dont know what that means. ive tried running virus checks, tried defragging it, and then have also messed with the memory settings. nothing. i just might have to take it to a techy, who will then format the pc :p which i can do just as well. i totally dont want to. formatting pcs have other issues. while the pc was cleaning itself, i decided to rip the keyboard apart, and clean that up. that was fun :D what was more fun was mixing up the keys when i put them back on. $kiy si dacsa ri!% (you no think so?) lets see. got the doors of my car fixed. that was way cool. i feel all growed up. besides all that, ive found manicures to be worth it. now i cant decided if i should go grab my study pack first, or gimme a manicure. and then im having this serious craving for coffee. choices, choices.

a sad day for autobiographies

2005-12-02T01:03:00.000+05:00

i finished reading aman (the story of a somali girl) today. it was, by far, probably the worst book i have EVER come across. notice emphesis on "ever". as in, worse than the worst book i have ever read. in terms of style of writing, or the content... or the story, the polt... the anything. it's just a very shitty story! the only redeeming feature of the book is that it wakes you up to the fact that somalia wasnt always a war/famine stricken country. now that ive told u that much, you dont have to read the book.

an ode to The O.C.

2005-11-29T19:02:00.000+05:00

Well I heard there was a secret chord that David played and it pleased the Lord But you don't really care for music, do you? Well it goes like this: The fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift The baffled king composing Hallelujah Well Baby I've been here before I've seen this room, and I've walked this floor, I used to live alone before I knew you And I've seen your flag on the marble arch But love is not a victory march It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah Maybe there is a God above But all I've ever learned from love Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you And it's not a cry that you hear at night It's not somebody who's seen the light It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah i just finished the last episode of The O.C. (first season). and i cried. i didnt just cry cry, i cried with tears. with a tightened throat, with a sniffling nose, and with a very weird thought running across my head... what the hell am i doing? the last time i cried over a tv show or a movie was when i was 15, and i had just finished untamed heart* (and that was probably cuz i had had a serious crush on christian slater). but no seriously, the last episode of season one was so heart wrenching... :s it was like... i mean, i know my life sux, and i'd probably cry over me if they were to make a show out of it also, but that was just... so weird... supposing they were to make a prime time show about my fam and all... i wonder what it would be called... bits and bibs (?) the misfits (?) julius ceaser ... (?) i dunno :) this sux. im so sad right now :) i think im going to go out and buy the second season. my suggestion to you, if you havent seen the O.C., is that u go out and buy it. it's worth it. i ran an OC marathon, finished 27 episodes in three days. and that's saying SOMETHING, for someone who doesnt do tv. for those who want to know what to get me for christmas? here's an idea. *Originally titled "The Baboon Heart" because screenwriter Tom Serchio had a heart transplant as a child and had been convinced by his grandmother that a baboon heart had been used in place of a human heart - trivia cited at amazon.

how nice 'twould be...

2005-11-24T18:08:00.000+05:00

(Munchkin 1) We thank you very sweetly for doing it so neatly (Munchkin 2) You've killed her so completely That we thank you very sweetly (Glinda) Let the joyous news be spread The wicked, old witch at last is dead (Munchkins) Ding-dong the witch is dead Which old witch? The wicked witch Ding-dong the wicked witch is dead Wake up you sleepyhead Rub your eyes, get out of bed Wake up the wicked witch is dead She's gone where the goblins go Below - below - below Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out Ding Dong' the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low Let them know the Wicked Witch is dead (Mayor) As mayor of the Munchkin City In the county of the land of Oz I welcome you most regally (Judge) But we've got to verify it legally To see... (Mayor) To see... (Judge) If she... (Mayor) If she... (Judge) Is morally, ethically (Munchkin 1) Spiritually, physically (Munchkin 2) Positively, absolutely (Munchkin Men) Undeniably and reliably dead (Coroner) As Coroner , I thoroughly examined her And she's not only merely dead She's really most sincerely dead (Mayor) Then this is a day of independence for all the munchkins And their descendants Yes, let the joyous news be spread The wicked old witch at last is dead

drops of jupiter

2005-11-19T22:06:00.000+05:00

i have a 30-page report to write. i have 6 books to read before i write it. i have all of the internet to search, and 60 issues of both the economist and the economic survey of pakistan to sift thru before i start writing. i have less than 16 hours to do it. and i am blogging. which probably explains why im blogging. it's the lesser of the two evils. the good thing is, i think i have some chocolate cake lying around the house. that wont help with the report, but it'll make me feel less guilty about not doing it as well as i could have. shiny disco balls. ----------------------------------------------------------- so like, i went to my friend's wedding yesterday... she is a good people. as in, i've been totally in love with here ever since we met in kinnaird, and then i moved away, and we've been friends for around eight years. we used to meet off an on, when i moved to nca... she came to see my thesis. small world that it is, it turned out, the guy she was getting married to, had been a childhood friend of my brother's. anyways, so in the past few yrs, we kinda drifted apart, meaning i only ever called on her when i needed to cry... which is basically once every year :) she on the other hand, went all religious on me, joined al-huda, took on a jalbab... and became one of god's special people. needless to say, in the recent years... she's hung around her kinda folks. so the other day, she called me, and said i was to come to her wedding... which was happening in a mosque. and my first question was... but what am i supposed to wear? i've always been a misfit around pious and good people. for one thing, i just dont know how to act around them. i mean dude! they are pious and good :) im not. so anyways, she told me i could wear whatever i wanted to, and i figured well, i COULD wear whatever i wanted to, and hoped that she wouldnt throw me out, on account of the fact, that we've been too good friends, for far too long. so i put on thys realy nice dress of mine, and went ... as was expected ... 99.009% of the women there... (and there were only women where we sat)... were either in hijab, or jalbab. i wasnt. i met up with some other really old friends, and it was sooo good to see them all again... but on the whole, it was kinda spooky. not just the stares, but ACTUALLY getting comments like "WHO IS SHE?" it was funny. i wanted to say, "i am not from among u" but i figured i had harrassed them enough, not only by going bareheaded, but also with short hair :s (the second part could so not be remedied in one night). i heard the "dars" at her "nikah" and i sat next to her when the guy accepted her in marriage, and it was all so cool :) and i bugged her about it, and then when everyone rushed to congratulate her and her mom, i slipped out of the wedding. she was the only thing i had hung around for anyways. i just felt too much of an outsider or a creep or something, in a very unfamilliar environment. love the babe though, and i totally wish her the best in life. in the meanwhile, i need to do something about my affiliation with my religion. *knock knock knockin on heaven's door* ----------------------------------------------------------- pakistani govt has been successful in getting $6 billion in grants and aid for the earthquake relief. out of which, $1.9 billion is aid, and the rest of the amount is a "soft loan". bullshit. how the hell are we going to pay it back? why does it look like most of the money is going to end up in switzerland, and we will be left with paying off interest payments of up to 25% (annually compounded)? de javu anyone?

goth

2005-11-13T04:01:00.000+05:00

i didn't do it. (not like i didnt accomplish it! i mean i didnt commit it... *uff mosqiutoes*) the point being, it wasnt my fault. i kid you not. im skipping medicine, cuz i ate it all, and now ive got none left, which means, i dont got none for today. i wont have any for tomorrow either, if i dont go out and get it. kinda like an infinite deja vu. this kinda thing came to my house today. saw my blood tests and stuff, and goes. tsk. stop all your medince. take apple juice. .'. A1. medicine = apple juice => hemlock x apple juice = unsick hemlock. i told you. i didnt do it. i didnt take me medicine today, and they forgot to chain me... so then can you blame a poor man? --------------------------------------------- so like if i was to run away to venezuela... what would i do once i got there? --------------------------------------------- umm. i be the shadow dweller. u be u.

s.p.i.n

2005-11-11T21:07:00.000+05:00

you know of those times when people knock the wind out of you? when things they do hurt you so much that the shock leaves you reeling. it' s so hard to build habits. and it's harder to break them. and once you break them, they become even harder to pick up. i dont really have any idea of what im saying right now. never do, but right now is worse cuz i just remembered i havent taken my medicine. which isnt what i had intended to say, but i need my medicine also... *the blog will continue after a short break* *bad music* my point, somewhere before i sailed off-course, was that blogging now sees such a tough thing to do. d, i wish you were online abhi, i so needed to bitch.

much eid mubarak

2005-11-04T14:21:00.000+05:00

went out with friends last night. it was SOOOOOOO cool! like, a friend picked us lot up from another friend's place... and i called shotgun and sat in the front seat... but then we decided to switch cars, and go in his 4wd. this was the first time i was ever going to his place... we get there, he parks his car OUTSIDE the house... and everyone was just like, glued to their seats... and i realised... in order to get the front seat of the jeep, now was the best time to break a run for it :D so i did... i sprinted towards his car, which was stood in their drive-way... and opened the car door and jumped in. before i could even shut the door, he goes: you are very brave... i was like... what? and just then, i heard the MAD BARKING of a dog, coming from where my door was still open. *SLAM!* SHIT! U HAVE A DOG...? i screamed... "err... he's kinda gotten old and slow... technically, you should've been ripped to shreds by now... why do you think everyone else is still locked in the other car???" like dudes!!! i was almost attacked by like an almost killer boxer... and it was SOOOOOOO cool... my brother goes: woman, the lesson u should take from that is to not barge into other ppl's homes... :p whatever... it isnt like i knew they had a dog. my friend's appology? "i was sittng in the car, seeing you run towards the jeep, thinking the dog will attack now... now? ... now!... he's kinda let us down... but it would've been fun though" sheesh! as compensation for the bruised ego, i got to drive his 4x4... the sportage has an awesome drive...and a very comfortable front... cant say the same for the poor chappies who get to sit at the back... but o man!!! the car is SOOOOOOOOoo hot looking...*blush* and it has a totally retro antenna. you switch the ignition on, the antenna comes up, then goes back down... heh! oh, joy!

self-absorbed sponge

2005-10-27T21:36:00.000+05:00

so much for having returned... or it could be like... the return to the end... or it could just be a stupid chicken trying to cross the road and getting runover in the process... whichever you think matches with your curtains... anyways... so my life has been as unexciting as it was the last you saw me... (which isnt saying it's unexciting, it's just saying you havent really seen me, so i dont see how this line of argument even stands). i think im going to be arguing with myself pretty much throughout this post... and darling, it would be so much wiser if you stayed out... it's a domestic affair after all. the point is, i dont like me very much these days. i never did really, i find myself offensive to my sensibilities... but ive been living with it for too long to actually want to do anything about it. but what's bothering me now is... well you see... i just... i have issues with bugs. i dont like bugs. i like frogs. they eat what bugs them. but coming back to why ive been such a bore. or rather why i AM such a bore. well. after like fifty thousand years of research, the findings are still inconclusive. (HAH! if only i was so important, so as to justify funds needed!) point being... ive been bored/boring/impossible to live with, to the point of sickness. recently, i had to undergo some very important looking tests... and they were bloody expensive, i may add. ALL my reports came out negative. how would YOU feel, if you failed all your MEDICAL tests even. man im such a loser. i cant even get my doc's tests right. anyways, he's put me on medicine... cuz of which im like sleeping all day. and when im not sleeping, im dreaming about sleep :) i like to attribute my crankiness and moodiness to the chemicals, but that's like pushing it :) i just have a bitchy disposition. as is. ive also discovered i find blogging an excessively obnoxious activity. which is possibly the only plausible explanation as to why im still at it.

2005-10-16T23:24:00.000+05:00

"More and more reports from Bagh are insisting that we concentrate all our efforts and funds on sending tents and blankets only. No clothes, no food, no medicine for now. Anyone still thinking of contributing, please collect money for tents only and contribute good, warm, clean blankets. Apparently, all dirty and torn clothes and blankets are being rejected by the recipients (not surprisingly). they are also not accepting non-winter clothes, so that there is a pile-up of rejected aid."

Oh, life!

2005-10-13T21:55:00.000+05:00

ive opened and shut this page a number of times over the past week. just dont know what to write. much has happened, but the significance of everything pales when i turn on the tv. then i spend my entire nights watching news of the earthquake. nuff has been said and done, and i dont think i can add to any of that. but once again, i find myself totally lost, being unable to explain what's going on around me. once again, i find my emotions too much, too conflicting, too unreasonable to hande. once again i wonder why what happened to someone else didnt happen to me, when it just as well could have. and then i wonder about my place in all of this. so much help and aid has been pouring in, from all over the world, and not enough can be said about how the pakistanis have come together... and yet, i have been living in fear of what's going to happen tomorrow. ive always been afraid of tomorrow. of not knowing what will come. because one fine day, you are jolted out of your bed, to find 50,000 people have died, and 2.5 million have been left homeless. in your own backyard. anyways, for those of you who still are collecting stuff, here are a few updates from the north. my college has set up a big time fund (as im sure have most institutions, but these guys are silghtly more organized): For those that would like to still keep collecting things, the info that we have received is that all supplies are getting through to Bagh itself without looting and in good time. They are having issues with effective distribution but said that food can keep coming in so that they don't run out by next week. But this has to be organised as family packs. Each pack should contain: 1) Packed, ready-to-eat roties that are available from the Dawn and other labels in super markets. 2) cooked, desi food, packed in tins (if possible) 3) candles and matches 4) Packets of milk 5) Tea leaves 6) Sugar 7) Salt 8) If cooked food is not possible, then rice, daal, chanas and some masala as well. It would be great if some families can prepare these packets and then donate them. For others, our students can volunteer some more time to make packets if you contribute the stuff only. in case of medicine, the following are required urgently: Emergency Medical Kit First Aid Equipment * Bandage 4" Size* Crepe Bandage* Slings* Sunny Plaster* Sterilized gauze* Nitchiban* Adhesive Plaster* Cotton Roll* Dettol* Pyodine* Methylated Spirit Medicines* Paracetamol Tab/Syp* Brufen Tab/Syp* Septran DS Tab/Suspension* Tixlyx Cough Syp* Corex Cough Syp* Benadryne Syp* Intestopan Tab/Suspension* Negram Tab/Suspension* Chloremphenical Eye Drops/Ear Drops* Flagyl Tab 200mg/Suspension* Gention violet Lotion* Polyfax Skin Ointment* Incidol Tab* Avomine Tab* Methergen Tab* Resochin Tab* Chloroquin Syp* Cicatrin Powder * Chlorine Powder* Cap. Amoxil 500 mg* Tab. Erthrocyn 250 mg* Cap. Transamin 500 mg * Tab. Lexatonil 3mg * Cap. Vibramycin * ORS Injections: * ATS * Methergen* Buscopan Co.* Dicloran* Anstitine* Velosef* Glucose Saline* Xylocaine * Flagyl * Decadron * Solucortef * Transamin * Adrenaline * Clafaron 1g i guess, for those of you who are collecting stuff, you have a fair idea of where to send it. if anyone is interested in donating any of the above listed materials, and dont know where to go with it, contact me, ill put you in touch with the relevent ppl. there are a number of agencies working out there, this stuff is just to help you better focus your efforts. for those of us who can turn to our beds and sleep in comfort, i want to know how we can look ourselves in the eye. May we be able to figure where our priorities lie. Amen

return to insolence

2005-10-08T01:15:00.000+05:00

i return to haunt thys dig, not because i couldnt stay away. but because i figured someone was more important to me than me own ego. this one is for you D (k) :) and for all of you who send me messages, directly, or otherwise. it feels awesome to be wanted, if only even virtually. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- and then, going over one of my previous posts, i made myself smile. i deserve that :) ------------------------------------------------------------------------- im one of those ppl, who never learn from my mistakes. not because we dont make any, but probably because one always considered learning a chore. and one never did finish their chores. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- this page shall continue to reek of insolence, burning sulphur, and all smells you wanna drive away from under your nose. the words will continue to bite and sting, and there will be no balm, no cure. ill continue to be vicious and vengeful, and petty and poisonous. but then, that is who i am, isnt it? i am hemlock.

2005-08-03T03:29:00.000+05:00

you know what? if i had a house, i'd sell it, pack up my bags. and leave.

behind the looking glass

2005-08-02T17:57:00.000+05:00

it's so much fun gettin lost in offices and other buildings... you go around peering into open doors (hah! the new world order - and the open door policy)... if yer any good, you'll pull faces at people and run. or knock on doors of empty offices, knowing no one will answer. until you run into a big burly man who wants to know who you are: big man: who ARE you? you: and WHO are YOU? -- alice in wonderland BM (thundering): i own thys place!!! you: oh cool! im just visiting.

R.E.M (rapidly escaping mortals)

2005-08-01T02:12:00.000+05:00

low dosage of PCP can cause "Feelings of euphoria, relaxation, numbness, sensory distortions, feelings of detachment from one's own body, illogical speech, blank stare." i could do with some. just about now. it's the blank stare i'm going for. most definitely.

hurrah!

2005-07-31T19:55:00.000+05:00

old McDonald had a farm, ee ey, ee ey oo... and on that farm he chopped some chicks... ee ey, ee ey, oo! thys has GOT to be the creepiest line ive ever come across: Congratulations, if you were a serial killer you would be... The Zodiac Killer umm, tell me again, how is that a good thyng? anyways,

If i was a serial killer i would be The Zodiac Killer. Over the course of almost 9 years in the 1970s the Zodiac Killer took the lives of over 13 people, either stabbing or shooting them to death in or by their vehicles. All the targets were the same, couples in cars off rural roads. Taunting cops the Zodiac Killer would send in encrypted messages to the local papers, describing how his past victims had died, and who would come next if they didn't post his message on the cover of the newspaper the following day. The only surviving witness described the zodiac killer as a heavy set man in a self fashioned hooded jacked that covered his face, brandishing a crossed circle that he always signed his letters with. After 1978 the killings stopped, the Zodiac's case was never solved. Kill count: 13 Find what serial killer you would be, Take the Serial Killer Quiz now!

of llamas and walruses

2005-07-30T01:53:00.000+05:00

i havent really got much to talk about. i dont even know why im bothering to update. i'm sure i have a life. or a nose to pick. they are in fact one and the same thyng. i guess i feel sucky for abandoning my blog -- if what i'm doing can be classified as that. the rest of islamabad trip was pretty much the same... two thyngs, worth a mention: a) the sarena coffee shop... YUM!!! man... the place rocked... ok, get thys... i come from lahore... the land of food connoisseurs... and i am VERY, VERY ashamed to tell you... we dont have ONE bakery in lahore, that can match the stuff at the coffee shop... chair corner, and corner of painting. maybe it was a much needed respite from all the crappy bickering (sibling warfare {with cousins}) i had been putting up with, or maybe the place really is all that, but their blueberry mousse was to DIE for... and god knows what else they had... but i eventually had to whip out plastic to pay for my bill -- no one told me you would be charged for accessing heaven. i loved their crockery! chai, my luvlies? oh! and as i was on a diet, i was only able to sample three of their pastries. it's a must go show... trust zee hemlock... she knows her sweet. pure delight! what else? my bangles! oh yeah. i stole a friend's car when i was in islamabad. it was no fun, i tell you, cuz then i had to call him up and ask him to rescue me, cuz i drove the car into a dead end, and i couldnt put it into reverse. stopid car. met up with three 17-yr-olds. realised i was getting way old. and that i couldnt compete. one of them goes: "you're pretty! you look 20." for a 24-yr-old, going on 87, that's the sweetest thyng you can hear. unfortunately, your hearing doesnt end here... the other said: "but you've got very small eyes... almost slits." (ahan!) the third said: "pink suits you" (err... thank you... ?!) and then the first one said: "but oh! you arent fat... just chubby!" *turns very very pretty pink and dies* if that wasnt enough, my sister said somat to me today: "D, please write a short funny blog, your long philosophical blogs are very boring.... no one wants to read them." seems like i just havent been able to assess my audience :p anyways, learnt how to play golf. yup, that's me. im your hero. hah! i was more on the lines of thys - saw scent of a woman. alpacino is my hero. hoo ha! cant decide what to do next. read the bourne identity, or watch the usual suspects. i'm on a break, and dunno what to do with myself. i thynk ill go listen to cheap indian tracks. or have buttered popcorn... after all, im not fat... im just chubby. :p ------------------------------------------- i drove all the way to where i could see islamabad as a huge blot on the landscape :p

islamabad talkies

2005-07-24T00:55:00.000+05:00

faught. drove up to pir suhava. drove down. faught. drove at 180km/h. faught. raced on wet slippery isb roads at 3 in the morning. faught summore. sang, shouted, and cursed in the middle of a restaurant. drove three families out. they thought we were drunk. we werent. faught. went to islamabad club. came out. went to PC pindi. came out. went to marriot. hmm. faught. raced my brother. won. even though i was driving the automatic. knocked on doors and rang bells of random houses and drove away. faught a lill bit more. upgraded my khala's computer. it was running explorer 2.346. read harry potter and the half blood prince. dumbledore dies. felt sad. *sigh* still here. dying to go home. havent brushed my teeth in four days.

disorientationed (out of station and have no friggin idea of what's goin on)

2005-07-22T02:11:00.000+05:00

im in islamabad. and im hating it. well not particularly, hating it, ive got friends. but ive got no owl, no bezzy, and no crayon to play with. *sigh* people come, people go. i came from the motorway, and that's the road i'll be taking back. it's one of those thyngs i did... i followed all the directions to the motorway... these lill signposts that pointed to ISLAMABAD... and at the toll booth i asked the guy: "yeh sarak islamabad hi jati hai na?" (translation: your shoes are pretty) 0_0 although if you ask me, i wouldve been just as happy at home. but i guess i need to get out. or not. i dont feel like blogging abhi. and so im going to stop. for now no really i am. oh what! you thynk i cant stop when i want to? you dont know me, i can be very very stubborn. and i'm a man of my word. i do thyngs as i say i shall do them. just you watch me :D umm. what was i saying?

first, the headlines...

2005-07-20T09:40:00.000+05:00

note to layoutperson: bezzy luv... maybe i should send you my wish lists more often... :) thanx heaps? i've never felt out of touch not reading the newspaper. it was an activity i consciously gave up some time back. these days, having had too much time on my hands, i found me reaching out for the links to the outside world again. and it's as ugly as it was when i saw it last. if anythyng, it's gotten worse. i turned to bbc a few days ago, to read about the "suicide bombers" of "pakistani origin". WTF man, where did the pakistani origin come in from? why cant they for once accept those individuals to be (somewhat) lawabiding citizens of United Britain? no seriously... two to three generations living in that country... these individuals dont see themselves as pakistanis, so why should you award them a nationality they have no affiliation with? *sigh*... i mean, it's just not fair. when the afghans holding pakistani passports pull weird stunts somewhere, it's pakistan's doing. when british born blue card holding indiviuals decide to blow themselves up, it's our doing. and when and if we do have a one in a gazzillion chance of being famous for somethyng... say a nobel prize in physics, we label the guy a non-muslim and scare him out of the country. wtf. anyways, here's a story that's bound to cheer you up. that's just the death-tool. shall we count the no. of houses that have been destroyed, the generations that have been wiped out before they were even given a chance to prosper... which reminds me, does anyone remember afghanistan? i honestly dont :D found thys story about an afghan warlord who's been given 20 years for crimes against humanity. umm... i have a few names i'd like to put up for the award :p *sigh* somebody stop me... i need to close all the explorer windows :$ waisay, i cant decide between these two... which story should get "how convenient" award for 2005? Polanski was too devastated to flirt with girls or Mafia boss walks free as key witnesses fall silent (ju-jitsu is actually a very interesting sport. it's dirty fighting, japanese style. so if you were to punch a guy in japan, it would be ju-jitsu). in other news, it isnt such a great time to be swimming off the italian coasts. oh buggah! my tour de europe will have to be postponed again... (obviously not bnecause of the algae, but simply cuz no one has promised to sponser it yet :p) here's a tragic story. i personally thynk these people should move. i mean. like totally. *blonde look*. (the sort of look that would get me thys) and here's somethyng special for all the loverly ladies out there... :p i thynk i need to stop. i havent done one of these blogs in months :) and i thynk i've enjoyed it. except for the initial part. it's such a weird world we live in. with so much going on, just trying to stay abreast with it all would drive you mad. and how life and death, tragedies and comedies are all coming along simultaneously... i guess it would get pretty depressing if we were living in a perfect world. there would be nothing to complain about. pakistan's been having the annual floods these days... ones we always expect but are never prepared for. so they killed about 700 people or so (the last i chked), wiped out hundreds of villages, thousands of homes... it was on the news. they were showing the plight of the people who had to pack their lives into small boats... and in that very same story, they interviewed a family who had come to the river bank for a "good time"... "the water level was high, so i brought my kids out for a picnic," said the guy. are we really that insensitive? or is my scope of thought too narrow... and i cant accept people trying to make the most of what little they have?

[how [rude] awakening]

2005-07-15T14:20:00.000+05:00

i discovered somethyng today. for me, life has become ritual. a sort of a habit you would want to put an end to. i found myself having lunch today. i mean, i became aware of what i was doing when i realised what i was eating. the process of having walked to the cafeteria, gotten confused and lost looking for a place to sit, and pouring food in my plate were all faded realities that i wasnt consciously aware of. two thyngs woke me up. a) i was eating rice. without pulling a face. i dont like rice. but i was halfway thru my meal before that fact occured to me b) the gravy looked like it was infested with algea. everythyng i do is becoming so mechinical... my life is being dictated by the watch, and im constantly trying to keep up with time. succeeding in doing that, i have lost all sense of direction, my orientation. and in that effort to keep up with the time, i cant remember where im coming from, or where im going. day in day out a repetition of what yesterday was like, today only being better cuz i did the exact same thyng yesterday... and practice makes a man perfect and a woman even better. im so tired. {eds -- and if thys post doesnt make you want to kill yourself, we dont know what will.}

the free icecreams are begining to show

2005-07-14T11:28:00.000+05:00

if i were to die right thys instant, i'd die a very happy man. im so bored it's not even funny. uper say orkut isnt running either. that's just the deal with having an office 5000 miles away from civilization. you cant take a cab home. the max i can do, is walk to the nearest donkey, who shall transport me to the nearest public van, where i'll get exclusive panoramic view as my seat will be on the roof top... and what a perfect day it is to cook myself... such lovely weather. outside has been gently preheated to a comfortable 700 degrees (in Celsius), with the humidity level at it's perfect 100%. should i survive the donkey (and they actually arent all that cute, trust me) the van-ride and the sun, then i'll have to find me a cab home. and i dont thynk my mom loves me enuff to pay my cab fare. speaking of which (which isnt what we were actually speaking of), i just got off the fone with a friend of mine, who happens to work at the technical side of my cellular service provider. he told me my bill. for two weeks. it's more than what i pay for two months. and i still have two more weeks to go. i'm also randomly using my old connection and when my mother sees my fone bills, she is SO going to kill me. it is so unfunny. jesus christ, man! i have over 7 hours of talk time. and that excludes all the calls to the support centre ive been making :D (see, when im going home, i call up the service centre people with one problem or another. it's good fun :D) i never knew i talked so much :s ouch. anyways, that said, i need to update my linx. and get a new layout. bezzy, do you remember my blogrolling password? dudes, not that my page gets 40,000 hits a day, but if someone wants to be linked, gimme a holler. i actually have nothing better to do then update linx. oh bugger. i want my trogdor.

the wrong shade of dark black

2005-07-09T09:02:00.000+05:00

JC, im in a bad mood. and it's too effin early in the morning to be so pissed off, and suffering from a headache. i need to kill someone. volunteers?

i dont want to give thys post a title, cuz im like that

2005-07-06T15:54:00.000+05:00

i dont get it. what makes people great? what is it in them, that they start traditions, and legends, that go on to live years after they do? like the expression "yer fired". the story behind that is, that the guy who established National Cash Register (now known as NCR)...well, he was a bit of an eccentric. if you worked for John H patterson, and did somethyng he didnt like, you'd come in next day to find your desk and all your belongings set on fire outside the office. subtle, no? but that isnt the point. im just wondering what i would have to set on fire to start a cool expression. i mean, let's see some famous words/expressions: halocaust 9/11 shock and awe (awww! sweet no? let's bomb a wedding party) jack the ripper umm... google (?) cant come up with anythyng else abhi. cuz im too busy having cookies, and a migrane. *groan* i wanna go home. i dont wanna work anymore. im feeling whiny and complainy and i cant thynk of anythyng smart to say. my boss has taken a day off, and that too without telling me (he's pretending to be sick). so i called him up :D of course to check up on him -- at 8 in the morning. (sugar coated revenge - he does that with me). unfortunately, he was awake. man, it's so annoying when a craftly designed scheme falls flat on your face. i went grocery shopping a couple of days ago. and i saw a man purchase 32 boxes of tissue paper. i kid you not. 32 boxes of tissue. let's assume he has 4 wives. that's still 8 boxes a wife. what do they do with all that tissue? decorate their walls? i thynk he's going to smuggle them to dubai, sell um at a hefty profit. how come i can never come up with such get-rick-quick ideas? --------- WAIT! dont answer that.... even if i had had that idea, to smuggle tissue paper, i wouldnt have had the capital requirements (of purchasing 32 family packs of rose petal). hmmm.

bittersweet memories and a box of sugar

2005-07-02T23:16:00.000+05:00

i had a strange out of body experience today. actually it was more deja vu... but saying it was out of body makes it sound more surreal. i went to nca today. a few convoluted reasons. my entire family has gone to bhurban/isb for a holiday. and im home alone. the reason they didnt take me is cuz no one loves me. ok, that isnt true. i wasnt in the mood for a holiday. im sad at home, cuz no one is around, but i wouldve been unhappier had i gone with them. so i begged and begged and begged, and told them i'd be kicked out of my internship if i missed a day. they figured i had gotten so desperate that i had to cook up a lie, then i really should be left at home. so they went. and since then, weve been on the fone 24/7... such is life. i really didnt want a holiday. im too unhappy these days. so umm... since all of them had gone, i didnt want to go to work either. i mean hello??? so i took a day off :D and i slept till all of 10 am :"D heh. and then i woke up, and looked around, and realised if i didnt get out, the house would collapse on me. so i went to NCA. to see a very old friend. and there, down until 7pm, i found me working in clay. and talking. it was like being happy again. and deep down, somethyn that had been slumbering for far too long surfaced again. and someone in me decided i didnt want to wait for another year before i got back to my clay. yeah you heard it right, MY CLAY! it's me, my identity, my life. ive been ignoring me for too long. i deserve better (i thynk). i just might end up dong an exhibition end november. i dont know. too tentative yet. lets see if i can get permission to work in college. im short of working space. mba is all good. mnc work life is all good. but ive had better, and now i thynk i want it back. i was so desperate to work right, i had to cut my nails. but you do realise, i quit biting my nails after 13 years. and that's a very very long time for a habit. and finally, i quit, and my hands were beautiful again, and today, i had to CUT MY NAILS! :D but im too smart :D i only cut those of my thumb, and my index finger. but let's get thys straight. i cut my nails. with a pair of scissors. without thynking twice. so i could work in clay. i so rock (DONT YOU DARE COMMENT ON THYS STATEMENT). it's 15 minutes past quarter past twelve. and i dont know what to do. ive brushed my teeth, im wearing my nightsuit... maybe i'll go watch the aviator. or maybe i'll give myself a manicure. cuz ive figured slightly roundish nail tips look much much better than completely square ones.

...floored

2005-07-01T09:40:00.000+05:00

ok. i dont know where to start *rock the party, rock the party* i could talk about the weather... or i could talk about the most amazing band in the whole wide world *oye hoye ni kurye* umm... the weather outside is HOT.... and i mean HOT... ummm no wait... hot as in chikna.... not like warm... err... but chikna as in HOT, and not humid :$... ummm lemme start over... the weather outside so totally completely rocks. grey clouds, THAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNDI hawa... light shower... *Swoons and dies* it so romantix :p but yeah... when i saw the grey clouds, i was like... aha... here's somethyng that matches my mood. but that feeling of belonging and sharing cheered me up. and now im feeling lilac. *there's a party goin' on and they're playin yo favourite song...* :> GUESS WHO SAW BOMBAY ROCKERS LIVE IN CONCERT... oh yeah baby! it was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO awesome... considering it was the FIRST concert ive been to in my entire life... im feeling pretty pleased. everythyng fitted my expectations. the crowd was rude and misbehaved, around 10,000 people gate crashed in to arena, and it was hot and humid and the whole deal sucked. until came along my boys from denmark... man the rocked the house :D *swoons and dies for the second time* {eds- i thynk hemmie's gushing cuz she has a crush on the danish guy-thomas. dont tell her we spilled the beans. after all, she couldnt help it... the guy is SOO HOT!!!(in real life)} that said. umm i thynk imna go sulk in my corner again. i havent got much to do xcept wrok... and that can wait. the weather is to good to be thynking about icecream... or is it??? {will hemmie work? will she go out to enjoy the weather? or will she sit in her corner and sulk, since she's been in the pits for faaar to long and is begining to rather enjoy herself there? and in all of thys... will there be any icecream? stay toooooooooooooooned to find out-eds} [i bet yer just dying of suspense arent you?-- E-in-C] ... to be continued

country roads, take me home...

2005-06-29T11:50:00.000+05:00

to the place... where i belong? (somewhere i belong). anyways... thys is actually my eighth attempt to put thys blog up :) let's see how it goes. umm... question. which came first? the donkey or the work? cuz see. where there was man, there was work... and until man discovered the donkey, he was one. *sigh* so i guess the chicken DID come before the egg. and he crossed the road to go to the superstore to buy the egg. {eds-thys is so sad. for the sanity of our readers, we may soon be removing hemlock from the panel of authors} so basically thys otta tell you ive been in the pits for the last 36 hours. and i hate it. i hate having to depend on people for smiles... and the "sharing" and the "caring" and the god knows what. my "best friend's" pissed off at me cuz he thynks im ignoring him. being the sati-savitri bharatye nari that i am... how can i not live up to his expectations. come his comment, i started ignoring him. but let's face it... solitude and solitaire and music only keep you going for so long. i admit i love my company, but i need my minnions around me to constantly remind me how much fun i am. oh blah... im being such a cow, but i'm pissed. and if that prima donna's melodrama wasnt enough... these days time and time again i'm being reminded of the fact that some very important people are missing in my life. and i HATE feeling deprived. aaarrrgh! i know it can get worse... and life isnt fair... and that shit happens... but can i please please please... just once get a break? and i mean a lasting kind. just once? i hate empty spaces. and question marks. i thynk i hate question marks more than empty spaces.

unmapped roads

2005-06-27T16:15:00.000+05:00

blogging from my boss's laptop. listening to his MP3 collection. and i must admit... his taste in music aint all that bad... i mean hello... the guy listens to darude :D but yeah... so... lounging about... blogging, chillaxing... ill have another shot of whatever it is :)

so long, farewell...

2005-06-26T14:59:00.000+05:00

THEY have just sold my car. i HATE THEM. i wanna cry. oh crapstatic man. i dont really hate them, and i dont really wanna cry. im depressed, ill give you that. but that's prolly cuz it's a sunday and i hate sundays. ok... so thys isnt getting anywhere. i learnt to drive on a 4wd... but that was only the basics. then i practiced on the family car, for about two weeks, when my brother figured that was a stupid thyng to do, so he bought me a car of my own. which i banged and scratched six times in six months. :) it was supposed to be a learning vehicle for me... literally. the idea was to give me a car of my own so i could get used to the lahori traffic. and i did. evertym a rickshaw decided to walk away with my tail light... it was a learning. everytym a rerhi wala decided to put a nice clean crisp line across two doors... there was a learning. and owly may accuse me of driving like the devil was on my tail... but being out on the roads, on my own... and realising i had to take the very same car home everyday, to a family who smiles indulgently everytym i spoil the car's enamel... it just wasnt fair to them. ugh. i have a headache. so my mehran has gone. to a stranger. who in all probability will keep it better than i did. and if thys wasnt sad enuff, i just cant get my bloody MMS to work.

my life gives "meaningless" a whole new meaning

2005-06-23T09:49:00.000+05:00

*sigh* is there no such thyng as intellectual property rights in thys world??? i admit i wouldnt be getting any because of the "intellectuality" clause... but still... imagine reading a book (IN PRINT!!!) that YOU wanted to write. i've been violated in the worst possible way. i feel like the cumulative sum of the zeros in a binary sequence. right now, if i was a number, i'd be -infinity. that's how small i feel. someone thought my thoughts and printed them in book form, years before i was even born. and all thys while i was wondering where my muse had wondered off too. TURN-COAT! im talking about thys. there are two reasons why i didnt write the book before douglas adams did. a) we already know. i wasnt born then. (you're slow at thys arent you?). and b) i just didnt thynk you humanoids were ready to hear such thyngs. but despite the retardedness of the book:

"q:what's so bad about being drunk? a: ask a glass of water that!"

you have to hand it to the man for the sheer genius that seeps thru... (ladies and gentlemen i must remind you at thys point that since i had planned to write the book before thys guy... we absotively share the same brilliant idea generator. but i thynk in some parts, the book lacked foresight, and his imagination grandeur. i mean, notice... the computer in the guide can "even work out your personality problems to ten decimal places." here's the deal. if you were to enter my data, the first command the computer will give you is "invalid input, circular reference". provided we correct that glitch (although i dont see how, im an infinite loop... and since loops by definition are infinite im also unnecessarily redundant. which in thys case could hint at verbosity, but we shall refrain from any inferences at thys precise moment). that said, limiting my personality problems to ten decimal places is... well... simply NOT GIVING ME THE CREDIT I DESERVE... and being the attention seeking brat that i am... i shall not allow myself to be marginalized simply because of my gender, colour and nationality... all because someone couldnt count to infinity. but here's the deal. did you know the sum of infinity is one? i didnt know that. so if 0.infinity (zero-point-infinity) = 1, then that's simply saying im one big psycho. or not. cuz tjhat's precisely what the equation is saying about you. mu ha ha ha. and anyways, what wrong with my colour man? my hair is somewhere... at the saloon (i left most of them there after my last haircut. brought home whatever was refusing to leave my skull) but no, what im saying is... what's wrong with my colour? my hair is somewhere... at the saloon (i left most of them there after... WOAH!!! wait a second. see what i mean about the infinite loop? anyways, im 3.8 medium chestnut brown (and we arent talking about my hair now... which by the way is different for each strand... ranging from orange to pink to red to brown to black... kinda happens after excessive years of spinsterhood)... and as for my nationality... doesnt no one believe in equality no more? i mean, according to Aristotelian logic... all men are pigs. quick review philosophy 101 - syllogistic form: all men are mortal socrates is a man therefore, socrates is mortal. by the same definition and chain of logic: men are males, pigs are males, therefore, all men are pigs. im SO NOT into guy bashing, but philosophy is a wonderful science. ----------------------------------------------------- if i only had my towel man... if i only had my towel. ----------------------------------------------------- quote of the day: "they've got as much sex appeal as a car accident"

happy birthday meeksinsky

2005-06-16T22:06:00.000+05:00

im a bad, bad man. it's my darling's birthday today, and i didnt even remember... happy birthday meeks :) of the few good thyngs that came off thys blog, yer of the few topping the list :) *hugs* ------------------------------------------------ my birthday is in a couple of days. i accedently caught my brother planning a surprise birthday party for me. if that wasnt nough, i ended up deciding the guest list too *blush* :D and yer ALL invited :D but no seriously, all jokes aside... i'm feeling so weird. on the face of it... im so glad for friends who'd take time out to show. who care. on the other hand... ive been dying to scream out all day... but since i was surrounded by strangers, i didnt feel like creating a scene. i thought i'd call a friend or another, but i realised i wasnt looking for sympathy. and that's what i'd get from the ppl i came across in the last yr. those i knew before, i was too lazy to keep in touch with... and it kinda felt awkward to call up someone outta the blue under the influence of overactive endocrine glands. god bless meeks. and god bless the monologist. and god bless the zistahs(whove been outta reach, and im not about to forgive them for that anytym soon. but like all people, i guess theyve moved on too). i guess it's my fault if im finding it hard to connect with people. if im feeling like a bottomless pit, i could possibly call up someone and tell them right? but is it too much to ask of friends... or people who "care" to remember two important dates in my life? TWO? is that really that much to ask? i wish people would forget about my birthday. it;s a stupid day anyways. if you were to ask me for three important dates ... that meant anythyng to me ... my birthday wouldnt be one of them. anyways. maybe im asking too much. which doesnt change the fact that im about to bite someone's head off. i wish i could tell my friends to stay puttttttt in their homes... without coming out rude or offensive. i wish i could speak swahili.

A little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams

2005-06-15T09:11:00.000+05:00

...You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here This Double Vision I was seeing is finally clear You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone Not fit to f**kin' tread the ground I'm walking on... ...Does it kill Does it burn Is it painful to learn That it's me that has all the control... some random lyrics to a random song im randomly listenin to these random days. ------------------------------------------------------------------ just did Deception Point. i'd give it a 2.5. please keep in mind that no book has ever scored beyond a 3.5 on my 5-point scale, so one would consider that a good rating... all thyngs kept in perspective. the issue is... maybe im too smart, or maybe since thys was my third dan brown book, i kinda figured where it was going, and umm... when thrillers become predictable... well duh! other than that, it was enjoyable reading... and he mentioned marianas trench... a place i've been fascinated with for god knows how many years... but would never really want to visit for the very simple reason that i dont like darkness, and im claustrophobic... *grin* i can never imagine myself in a sub. aaaarrrrghggghhh... LEMME OUT! *sheesh! what a scary thought*. that said, i was always under the impression the place was 8 miles deep. i wonder why that happened. and i remember someone calling it a "gorge" not a trench. khair. so yeah, the book was o-k... loads of conspiracy theories, but then... perhaps that's all what he does. someone said i should now read angels and demons. i'll give it a 6 month brk. ------------------------------------------------------------------ so owlinsky asked me to do thys thyngamajiggy from here...and umm i thynk the initial excitement of filling it out has worn off, and extreme depression has sunk in. see, slowing down and reviewing your options, or just acknowledging them even shakes you up... with the reality of where you are headed sinkin in. personally, i believe if you run fast enough, you'll outrun your thoughts and wherever that place was where you were supposed to go (or not go), and your life will pass in a blurrrrrr :D dont stop me long enough to realise where im headed. no issues there :) the funny thyng is... as i look at my list, except for ONE occupation (or activity), i find ambition strangely lacking from all the rest. since im not taking the game in it's spirit, imna cheat a bit and play it my way. :D If I could be a marine biologist...i'd probably be the happiest person on the planet. i'd live in mud hut with a roof made of palm leaves in the middle of nowhere (hopefully by the edge of a turquoise-blue sea and golden sands), with all my high tech equipment connected with satellites and whatnots. i'd speak swahili and dolphinese, and eat my lab rats *grin*... i mean specimen fish... and then write books on them. would never wanna be a deep sea diver though. If I could be a gardener... i actually considered taking up thys profession 13 years ago, when i was in england. i met with quite a few botanical engineers, and their works were so fascinating. i'd plant every tree and every bush myself, design gardens, and cross-pollinate mangoes with the venus fly trap. If I could be an innkeeper...i'd have a small B&B place somewhere in the english countryside, and would have a place to brush down horses of weary travellers (masked at times), and would sleep with a musket by my side. for safety reasons :D perhaps a chainsaw even? If I could be a mime...i thynk my life would be no different from what it is today. except it would be in black and white :) im wearing all white today. i get funny comments when i wear all white. which reminds me i'm hungry. If I could be a fighter pilot...*sigh* look. dont even get me started here. i was supposed to be an aeronautical engineer. although im sure that's not how you spell it. my chemistry teacher didnt like me, and that basically altered my entire life. EXCUSE ME!!! i have no issues with who i am... but imagine... if i could be a fighter pilot, i'd wake up and drive to work in an F-18. *wails* oh WHY did i have to be so blonde? *yawn* im tired. and sleepy. i thynk im going to get me some ice cream *WIDE GRIN* you know what??? i wouldve loved to be a chimney sweep. somethyn ive carried forward from my mary poppins days :) chim chimminy chim chimminy chim chim charu... i do what i like and i like what i do ... i'd love to be covered in soot all day :D and then no one would call me brown... they'd all accuse me of being black. oh what fun it is to fool ppl ;) but seriously. i wouldnt have to worry about starched clothes, or eyeliner and mascara... and i'd go around with a broom in my hands, ALL DAY LONG. plus i'd live on people's roofs. along with pigeons. i'd never want to be a taxi driver. simply cuz it would kill me to drive for other people, as opposed to driving for myself, as i will it. naah! i'd tag five people, but i dont thynk anyone reads my blog anymore. not that i accuse people for turning to greener pastures and better musings... but sloth has slowly been edging up on my sins list, and is only second to vanity. and the blog no longer serves it's purpose... of getting my creative juices to flow. probably cuz ive dried totally, and shrivelled up like a prune. or a prude. or a prudish prune. i dont know. and you wont tell me, cuz you arent reading thys. :p

what's the speed of thought?

2005-06-13T15:32:00.000+05:00

imagine being stranded a thousand miles from nowhere, with tonnes and tonnes of icecream surrounding you. believe you me, after three days of studying all what icecream is made of... (sweat of some very very hard working people)... the magic somehow gets lost. icecream for me was a simple phenomenon of mixing milk with sugar and putting it in the freezer. at least that was my recepie until i stopped baking. *grin* when i wanted to go light, i simply put in water instead of the milk, along with some form of fruit flavouring, and amazing lollies were ready for consumption... almost immediately... since i never had the patience to wait until the lollies were actually frozen. imagine having 72 different kinds of icecream to choose from, and not having the will to eat any. me thynks me's gonna refuse that offer willy wonka made to run his factory. i thynk id like SOME romance to remain associated ... at least with the chocolates... if not nuffin else in my life. ----------------------------------------------------- you remember how i used to gush on an' on about laho? :> me thynks me wants to move out. for good. dont ask why. or actually, go ahead and ask. i just wont answer :) the place where i go to work is miles and miles out of the city, so i get company transport to pick me up, and drop me back. which could be a good thyng, or a bad one, depending on how much to love to drive. the tragic part is, im not the only one who gets pick and drop. there are 10 other ppl who get the same royal treatment. so get thys. my office (officially) starts at 9 am :) i wake up at 5.10, 5-19, 5-25, 5-30, and then fall out of bed at 5.55. the company car comes to pick me up at 6-10. from 6-10 to 8-10, im sat in the car touring lahore... my office ends and 4pm. the managers take their time to leave. meaning anywhere between 4.30 to 4.45. and im the last one to be dropped back home. at 6.45pm. ive seen more of lahore than i would ever want to see again. trust me. excess of everythyng is bad. unless... *sigh* so yeah, baiscally, i wanna run away from here... to ANY place in the world where the entire town is 30 minutes across :) suggestions? ----------------------------------------------------- being the first and the last one in the car means having to spend quality time with the driver until the next person hops in and saves me the philosophies id rather save till later on in the day. he told me the story of an italian contractor who was building one of the dams... tarbela, or mangla... basically, for the 12 yrs the guy was in pakistan supervising at the construction site, he didnt get himself a chair to sit on...he used to say..." if i sit myself down, how will my boys be motivated to work...?" now, that's an amazing, inspiring lill story; but when you've literally falled out of bed after three hours of sleep and are cursing your ambition... such feel-good;inspirational;motivational speeches only make you wanna dig deeper into your seat and crawl out from the bottom of the car. *sigh* ----------------------------------------------------- someone wants me to participate in a focus group -- to discuss "fashion" that's a cruel joke to play on me no? and honestly. tell me. what IS the speed of thought?

come baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

2005-06-09T00:54:00.000+05:00

my baby sister's gone camping for three days, and the house is just so friggin' quiet without her!!! Waaaaaaaaaaaaah :'( come home kiddo, i miss you. damn. although the brat demeaned the whole purpose of camping in the great outdoors. the night before she left for nathiagali, she went out and got herself a manicure, and a pedicure. the french kind. hope the insects like it. muhahahaha! oh damn. im missing her tewwwibly.

one down, one more to go.

2005-06-03T20:50:00.000+05:00

it's been a year since august 5. at least an academic year :) and it feels bittersweet. a part of me is happy, that half the journey is over (hopefully the tougher part, at least), yet the other feels uncertain and overwhelmed at the thought of what the future holds. i have now begun to think where and what im going to be five years from now. and if ill recognize myself. i know i dont now. i dont remember who i was at 18. i dont remember what 18 was like. or 17. or 16. it's as if my life started after 20. i recall being 12. and then i was 20. i get to intern at an icecream factory in the summers. little do they know, they've assigned a wolf to guard their lambs :) im glad for the break though. it just might give me some time to put my life in perspetive. the 9 months flew by. i learnt a lot. it was mindblowing. it was discovering an alternate world. and it was discovering myself - and my abilities. when i applied to lums, i had no idea what i would be getting into. im like that. i take uncalculated risks. in case of lums, thys one paid off. Alhamdolillah i met some super, super people :) i wasnt expecting that either. i dont believe in "friends for life" or any concept that involves infinity... like the word "forever"... or "never", if you thynk about it. but i know everytym im going to look back at these two years, the thoughts of these people will make me smile. god bless them for helping me through thys time. i hope they stick around long enough, for the next yr too, but even for now i got so much more than i asked for. maybe someday i'll muster up enough courage to thank them.