the alice syndrome

if i was someone else, would my shoes still not fit me? ---------------------------------------------- so my group and our ad came first in our category (we had three other competitors), and second overall (out of 16 groups). maybe in another life, i wouldve been happy with the results, but i am actually sick of being "just there" and then falling "just a little short". im sick of being the second best. i guess that is where the difference lies in people who actually have ambition, who are competitive by nature, and me, who competes because i have no other choice. i take up a challenge when it is thrown at me, and not because i had intended to in the first place. and that is the difference between them and i. who i am, isnt right for where i am. if im going to be here for good, then i need to be someone else, cuz im not going to be a runner-up. if i do somat, i do it well, or i dont do it at all. and right now, im doing neither. im trying to take a middle path that is getting me nowhere.