count on me to be me

it's 5.30 in the morn... so dont expect me to make too much sense, and take what i say at face value. or not. i dont know. i may not mean a lot of what i say, but then, i may not say it if i dont mean it. at the end of the day, it's up to you how much of nothing you wish to believe. so chij bachee visited my school on friday, to see me. the only problem with that was, i didnt know. and whenever i get the chance, i take myself as far away from school as is realistically possible (in teh past two months, ive quit the city twice)... in response to thys, DeOwl said:

"Lol, yeh Hemmie is an elusive creature. She's always here there and everywhere, but rarely where you want her. Still awesome though. Hope you guys can actually meet up next time."

ok. that doesnt help. do you have any idea how it feels to live a life where yer never really sure of what you'll be doing next? or where yer gonna be going? or where you'll start and exactly where yell end up? when i realised all what i was doing to myself, i was really worried, but the other option i had was to put some order in my lyf... and ya'll know what my reaction to that would've been... so i learnt instead to live with my unpredictability... and today, my unpredictabletedness is the only certainity i got. (btw, that isnt really a condition {yet}... but i guess that's it would be terminologically called if a lot of people suffered from it and it qualified as a medical condition). and since i generally do everythyng in a flurry, more often than not, i dont really know where im coming from... i just know i bin there...somewhere...(but in the end, it doesnt even matter)... lyk these guys here, at school, kinda get mad at me for not telling them where i'd be, or not sticking with teh (tentative) itinerary provided by me. them: you werent in teh lab me: i was supposed to be there because? them: we had an assignment me: so them: did you do it? me: i have all intentions to *fingers crossed* them: we dont got tym me: there's always plenty of tym them: that still doesnt tell us where you were me: around them: 0_o me: look, i was coming to the lab, decided to go to the superstore to get batteries, ran into someone who was having problems believing in god, convinced them why they shouldnt be confused about it, and that tehre was no reason to believe in one if they didnt feel up to it... i was about to head straight for the lab but my cell rang and it was my sister who was lurking around campus and wanted me to go chillax w/ her (read: have icecream) so i went out. and now im back, still trying to reach teh damn lab but i ran into you instead and now youve taken up another 30 minutes of my tym trying to understand why ive been where ive been... a phenomenon that eludes me more than u. hun chain aya ee? teh worst part about being a scatterbraineddimwit is that your life lacks focus. the best part about not having focus is that you can be absolutely anywhere where you damn well want and not feel bad about being three million lightyears away from where you couldve been.