self-absorbed sponge

so much for having returned... or it could be like... the return to the end... or it could just be a stupid chicken trying to cross the road and getting runover in the process... whichever you think matches with your curtains... anyways... so my life has been as unexciting as it was the last you saw me... (which isnt saying it's unexciting, it's just saying you havent really seen me, so i dont see how this line of argument even stands). i think im going to be arguing with myself pretty much throughout this post... and darling, it would be so much wiser if you stayed out... it's a domestic affair after all. the point is, i dont like me very much these days. i never did really, i find myself offensive to my sensibilities... but ive been living with it for too long to actually want to do anything about it. but what's bothering me now is... well you see... i just... i have issues with bugs. i dont like bugs. i like frogs. they eat what bugs them. but coming back to why ive been such a bore. or rather why i AM such a bore. well. after like fifty thousand years of research, the findings are still inconclusive. (HAH! if only i was so important, so as to justify funds needed!) point being... ive been bored/boring/impossible to live with, to the point of sickness. recently, i had to undergo some very important looking tests... and they were bloody expensive, i may add. ALL my reports came out negative. how would YOU feel, if you failed all your MEDICAL tests even. man im such a loser. i cant even get my doc's tests right. anyways, he's put me on medicine... cuz of which im like sleeping all day. and when im not sleeping, im dreaming about sleep :) i like to attribute my crankiness and moodiness to the chemicals, but that's like pushing it :) i just have a bitchy disposition. as is. ive also discovered i find blogging an excessively obnoxious activity. which is possibly the only plausible explanation as to why im still at it.

"More and more reports from Bagh are insisting that we concentrate all our efforts and funds on sending tents and blankets only. No clothes, no food, no medicine for now. Anyone still thinking of contributing, please collect money for tents only and contribute good, warm, clean blankets. Apparently, all dirty and torn clothes and blankets are being rejected by the recipients (not surprisingly). they are also not accepting non-winter clothes, so that there is a pile-up of rejected aid."

Oh, life!

ive opened and shut this page a number of times over the past week. just dont know what to write. much has happened, but the significance of everything pales when i turn on the tv. then i spend my entire nights watching news of the earthquake. nuff has been said and done, and i dont think i can add to any of that. but once again, i find myself totally lost, being unable to explain what's going on around me. once again, i find my emotions too much, too conflicting, too unreasonable to hande. once again i wonder why what happened to someone else didnt happen to me, when it just as well could have. and then i wonder about my place in all of this. so much help and aid has been pouring in, from all over the world, and not enough can be said about how the pakistanis have come together... and yet, i have been living in fear of what's going to happen tomorrow. ive always been afraid of tomorrow. of not knowing what will come. because one fine day, you are jolted out of your bed, to find 50,000 people have died, and 2.5 million have been left homeless. in your own backyard. anyways, for those of you who still are collecting stuff, here are a few updates from the north. my college has set up a big time fund (as im sure have most institutions, but these guys are silghtly more organized): For those that would like to still keep collecting things, the info that we have received is that all supplies are getting through to Bagh itself without looting and in good time. They are having issues with effective distribution but said that food can keep coming in so that they don't run out by next week. But this has to be organised as family packs. Each pack should contain: 1) Packed, ready-to-eat roties that are available from the Dawn and other labels in super markets. 2) cooked, desi food, packed in tins (if possible) 3) candles and matches 4) Packets of milk 5) Tea leaves 6) Sugar 7) Salt 8) If cooked food is not possible, then rice, daal, chanas and some masala as well. It would be great if some families can prepare these packets and then donate them. For others, our students can volunteer some more time to make packets if you contribute the stuff only. in case of medicine, the following are required urgently: Emergency Medical Kit First Aid Equipment * Bandage 4" Size* Crepe Bandage* Slings* Sunny Plaster* Sterilized gauze* Nitchiban* Adhesive Plaster* Cotton Roll* Dettol* Pyodine* Methylated Spirit Medicines* Paracetamol Tab/Syp* Brufen Tab/Syp* Septran DS Tab/Suspension* Tixlyx Cough Syp* Corex Cough Syp* Benadryne Syp* Intestopan Tab/Suspension* Negram Tab/Suspension* Chloremphenical Eye Drops/Ear Drops* Flagyl Tab 200mg/Suspension* Gention violet Lotion* Polyfax Skin Ointment* Incidol Tab* Avomine Tab* Methergen Tab* Resochin Tab* Chloroquin Syp* Cicatrin Powder * Chlorine Powder* Cap. Amoxil 500 mg* Tab. Erthrocyn 250 mg* Cap. Transamin 500 mg * Tab. Lexatonil 3mg * Cap. Vibramycin * ORS Injections: * ATS * Methergen* Buscopan Co.* Dicloran* Anstitine* Velosef* Glucose Saline* Xylocaine * Flagyl * Decadron * Solucortef * Transamin * Adrenaline * Clafaron 1g i guess, for those of you who are collecting stuff, you have a fair idea of where to send it. if anyone is interested in donating any of the above listed materials, and dont know where to go with it, contact me, ill put you in touch with the relevent ppl. there are a number of agencies working out there, this stuff is just to help you better focus your efforts. for those of us who can turn to our beds and sleep in comfort, i want to know how we can look ourselves in the eye. May we be able to figure where our priorities lie. Amen

return to insolence

i return to haunt thys dig, not because i couldnt stay away. but because i figured someone was more important to me than me own ego. this one is for you D (k) :) and for all of you who send me messages, directly, or otherwise. it feels awesome to be wanted, if only even virtually. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- and then, going over one of my previous posts, i made myself smile. i deserve that :) ------------------------------------------------------------------------- im one of those ppl, who never learn from my mistakes. not because we dont make any, but probably because one always considered learning a chore. and one never did finish their chores. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- this page shall continue to reek of insolence, burning sulphur, and all smells you wanna drive away from under your nose. the words will continue to bite and sting, and there will be no balm, no cure. ill continue to be vicious and vengeful, and petty and poisonous. but then, that is who i am, isnt it? i am hemlock.