i wish i wasnt as despicable as i can get at times. i wish i wasnt so weak i actually at times i wish i wasnt me. i wish i was someone else. i STILL havent been able to either accept or own my weaknesses. im afraid if i did, all the sand castles ive built around me would wash away. when the funny thing is, i know the inevitable will happen, im only fooling myself, the bubble WILL burst. yet i go on and on, fooling myself.. and in the very process hurting and embarrassing those around me. im actually sorry for who i am. for who i wanted to but couldnt be. shit, im actually sorry.