im not all you wished me to be

"Rebel, mind your last name Wild blood in my veins They bring strings around my neck The mark that still remains" life is slipping by faster than i would wish it to. i mean, ideally, i wouldnt be 21 for another 15 years, but that threshold was crossed two years ago -- and now look what's become of me... im 23 going on 75. *sigh* (and no grandchildren even) sometyms i wonder if my parents were right in educating me. or showing me how to make decisions, or believing in all what i wanted to. at the end of the day, let's all face it. an "independent" pakistani female spells trouble (N-U-I-S-A-N-C-E). on the one hand, we are expected to have degrees, careers, financial independence... excelling in all what we do... on the other, we cant move out of our homes unless chaperoned -- by a husband. like hello? have i even dialed the right number here? so in the past few days, my heads been all cotton candy. which isnt saying ive been pleased with myself (cotton candy always makes me grin like a fool)... it's just saying i've been as substantial as a bag of artificially treated sugar. at school they asked us to submit our CVs before jan 15, so they can be sent out, and we can apply for internships at MNCs and whatever. like totally whatever man. imagine thys. internships start may. imna haveta worry about beginning january 2005. (the worrying has already begun...so im guessing has january...) im just wondering WHAT i'll be putting on my cv. specimen cv for hemlock: hello. im hemlock. im 23. im ... umm... a) addicted to the internet??? nah, bad option. b) funny??? hahaha! you crack me up! NOT. c) cute??? oh sure! that'll definitely get you places :p d) aging??? and that's special because...? e) busy making a souffle of my life??? oh! so you can bake?! here's the deal. i love being me. i love being who i am. if i had another chance, i wouldn't undo any of what ive done so far. unfortunately. none of that is CV material. it's like... "been there, done that"... but errr!!! can't go around putting that on my CV, now can i? two months before im supposedly making the most important decision of my life, im still prettymuch without any significant achievement. i havent set up elaborate satellite communication systems in the country, i havent managed a multi-million rupee portfolio for anyone, nor have i developed SAS. that by no means belittles all what i've done - it's just that i was never running in the rat race, and darn it, i was just never a rat! i mean... im working on it...!!! man, i was just so busy being happy most of my life, i never took tym out to make a cv. and look where that's got me. it's like, i can tell you deep sea diving can cause decompression sickness... but how useful is that information if i want to get a job at P&G, or Unilever...? *sigh* can i go home now?