will you, wont you, will you, wont you?

one of the reasons im an introvert, or that i dont enjoy company (read: make it a point to avoid it) is because being around people teaches me a lot about myself. and more often than not, i end up learning thyngs i'd rather not know. thank you. like take an incident that happened the other day. i was sat with a friend of mine, and he threw somethyng at me, which i was supposed to catch. having accomplished that feat successfully, i received a comment from him: "you are very inflexible." point of information. i'm not inflexible. ( <<< psst! notice strong denial) and i dont like poeple telling me im inflexible. and i dont like people reaching such conclusions simply by the way i catch flying objects. he did explain how he had reached his conclusion, and if i wasnt the object of scrutiny, i wouldve been convinced, but again, facing up to reality is stinxinxky. let's take another conversation. i came out of an interview extremely bummed, bucause halfway thru the interview i realised i was saying thyngs i shouldnt have, and that i bombed it. basically. the other person may not thynk so, but analyzing the situation way after the interview, i realised my responses left a lot to be desired. i mean, if i had been giving the interview, i wouldve done a much better job. *shrugs* so sulking and cribbing about how i say thyngs off the top of my head, i got the following response. "woman, notice your sentence construstion and structure. one of your typical lines is: 'i refuse to do {insert any action}. i have issues with that.'" now for a person lyke myself, that's perfect construction. the grammar and spellings are correct, as is use of commas, articles etc. apparenty, the attitude isnt. while underlining the problems, the guy highlighted the following problem areas: i refuse (lack of word that begins to explain the cause of the effect. words like, because) issues. for short, he discounted everythyng i said. by way of explanation, he made the following observations: - notice the I-centricity. when someone asks you to do somethyng with them, you could suggest, we cant do thys, because... or shouldnt we rather do thys..." (my response: But I'm not like that at all). - refuse: point-blank-refusal. you never went to charm school right? ever heard of "politely extricating yourself from a situation? without making the other person feel like insignificance personified?" (my response: umm. no). - lack of sensitivity. how about giving an explanation for bulldozing the other person over? it might decrease their level of agony. how about explaining why you cannot undertake a certain task, or why you have problems doing one thyng or another. (my response: whatever!) - issues: the minute you use that word, you put the other person on defensive. oh! so thys woman has "issues". and that can only translate into bigger "issues". he also went on to respeak the sentence i had said. my line: i refuse to go to the e-lab, i have issues with working in there. his new and improved, revamped line: can we please not go to the e-lab, there's too much noise there, and i find it hard to concentrate. the sad part is, had someone else come to me with the problem, i probably wouldve said the very same thyngs. it's sad to fall into the very trap you've spent your life asking people to look out for. what's worse is, i still cant reconcile myself to accepting even i can make mistakes. and if it could get any worse, that would my resistance to changing -- for the better. i could thynk about what i say, but then, would i really say what i thynk? or would i then say what you want to hear? would i say it when i want to say it, or would i say it when i thynk yer ready to listen? would i say it how i want to say it, or how you would wish to hear it? if i got down to sugar-coating everythyng, would that really be me? i have seriously prided myself for being honest, straightforward, and saying thyngs pointblank -- to the point of suffering myself... when you say thyngs you want to, a lot of the tyms you end up hearing thyngs you might not want to. but for someone like me, it's worth it. to be tactful, and diplomatic ... and still be me? i could tell you who i am, but i'd have to thynk about it.