every step that i take is another mistake to you

heheh... i spent the last three hours preparing for my sister's exam. i have an exam tomorrow. so im blogging. right. D demanded a blog. and i ran away. typically me btw. so anyways, i was thynking about god's small blessings in my life, and thys particular one is six feet tall and weighs three hundred and fifty seven point 39 kilos. he's called "bhaiya". we finally had that conversation. and i couldnt believe it had happened. he came home FUMING a couple of days ago. and looked at me right in the eye and said "WHY cant YOU gas-up the car?" me: umm... excuse me? cuz maybe i dont use it? (blatant in-your-face denial of reality) him: what? me: umm... woh i didnt have any money. him: WHY didnt you have any money? at thys point, i'd like to make it clear to my adoring audience that im under no circumstances supposed to be without money. ive been instructed to keep some cash stuffed in the wallet's hidden pocket for emergency needs, and well... im never supposed to go broke. but there is an issue with that. actually, two issues with that. a) i dont like money b) i dont like carrying money (i simply prefer to spend on credit [rich friends zindabad], and then pay them back later than sooner. c) i can keep all the money in the world, but lugging it around gets cumbersome, and i end up spending it. and i end up being broke. and moneyless. and then the whole viscous cycle of credit begins. which reminds me, i owe someone Rs.150. or 3,899.83 ITLs. or $2.52. i thynk ill return the dollar amount in pak rupees. he'll never guess the difference. btw, i love the italian currency. you end up sounding posh and rich for no reason :D d) knowing i have cash in the secret pocket doesnt help. it's like putting a cookie jar high enough so you cant reach it. and actually, that's around 4-1=3 issues. the lira talk cheered me up. the other thyng with elder brothers is, they can tell when you've been flooring it. him: youve been abusing the acceleration, havent you? me: umm... no. him: the car's average is screwed. me: umm... uh. there must be somethyng wrong with the numbers. him: ahan. they dont add up. the car's averaging 8km/litre. it's supposed to do 14. me: OUCH. you need to chk the oil and the air filters, and while yer at it, get the plugs cleaned. the car is just eating up too much petrol. (gas for americans.). what does a person like me do? you save your lunch money, and ask the petrol guy to put in oil worth 56 rupees. that's like 1.05 litres. everyday. the thyngs is, and what you have to understand is, that in a city like lahore, where 6000 cars are coming out on the roads every month, you cant really drive fast. in fact, you'd be lucky to get home in time for christmas. assuming you started off christmas eve, but that's another story. so the max you can test is the car's acceleration. and man it flies :D but it has that new fancy efi system... everytym you accelerate, there are two valves pouring gas into the engine...meaning more speed, and more gas consumption. meaning no lunch for me. *sigh* (sympathizers may send cash contributions to my swiss account. Dollar denominations only, thank you) him: yeah. i did take it to the service station. and he put in new brakepads also. me: umm... right. 0_0 i'm hungry. and my car is out of gas again. bhaiya's taken it. so im hoping he'll fill it up for me. but that's the problem with elder brothers. they are so difficult. and impossible. and you love them. cuz that's were your lunch and gas money comes from :) and new brake pads for your even newer car :)

pakistani idiot

*sigh* the moon was full and beautiful and i thynk i died. in the last few days, ive opened and shut the blogger window numerous times. i wasnt suffering from blogger's block. i was suffering from... lets say... acute agromania. and sitting in a chair aggrevated the condition. i thynk. D darling, im sorry, i tried to blog. really. instead, imna leave you with a couple of my quotes. be sure to mention my name, age, address, and marital status when you quote me. quote of the day: if you put all your eggs in one basket, and you drop the basket, maybe you shouldnt be in the egg business. quote of the other day: if i could choose between my needs and my wants, i'd want to pick my needs, unless my wants became my needs, in which case the whole premise would collapse because my wants would be my needs and my needs my wants, and they would all be one and the same in a one big convoluted way.

accidently in love

the first i ever heard about blogging (as anythyng serious or to be pursued) was on BBC, when i came across stories about salam pax, that (in)famous iraqi blogger, (who now probably has his own Dr. Phil show... after getting book deals and hollywood movie thyngies). im not sure how (and i thynk thys is where fate twisted my arm a bit), i clicked and clicked and clicked summore, and landed at aniraz's blog. "de grouchy owl" has an inviting ring to it, no? anyways, i found me there, and i was hooked. i thynk thys was around september, 2003. it seems years ago. there on in, i was a blurker... a silent admirer of wit and sarcasm, unleashed on the internet... although, as a pakistani, i always felt the assaults were aimed directly at me, since i'm a hardcore pakistani *blush* the kind you let you dog loose after... and i blurked, and i blurked... until i discovered she wasnt a lone ranger... she had a whole family spewing online-brilliance. that's how i was introduced to abez (suffering from MBD - multiple brain disorder... and her left-brain, right-brain conversations (nov.21, 2003)... and then their was their mom... who blogged too. which was way cool... see. my mom gets me to chk her email... which i do every three months, once her account has been shut down, erasing all correspondence :D and so i can tell her there was no mail for her. finally, when owl put up her January 7, 2004 post, i felt the non-internet-literate community had been deprived long enough, and i wrote to her asking if she'd be interested in getting her work published. little did i know, she had been writing for the best (read elitist) paper in pakistan already :) that's how we started corresponding, and well... in the last year and a half, ive made more trips to islamabad than i have in the last 15 years :) their family mashallah so rox :) april/may last year was my first trip to islamabad, when i met up with these guys. there was talk of my getting a phd scholarship to france, and i had to go to isb for an interview. the funny thyng was, i had arranged to stay at a friend's house, who was supposed to drop me at the venue, pick me up later on, and drop me to the daewoo stop, so i could return home. incidently, the gentleman very conveniently vanished from the picture... and i was stranded in islamabad. and i had just seen an oprah show, where they were talking about lil girls being kidnapped ... man it was scary. incidently, bezzy called, i expressed my fears... and whaddya know... man, the woman was there, right beside me, towing me around the capital city. when she dropped me home, i said, dude, you go on home, im sure my ride will come... she said,"no worries, i'll wait." and she did, and the ride DIDNT come... and my white knight saved me from being away from home for another day... there are kindnesses and then there are bez and owl. and then there are no words to thank them for being who they are. and here's a lil somethyng that was on aniraz's layout, the first time i saw it: As a rule Man is fool When it’s hot He wants it cool When it’s cool He wants is hot Always wanting What is not. *clicks heels* *salutes smartly* guys, im going to miss you loads. it's amazing how much impact some ppl can have on your life, regardless of the time you've spent with them. aniraz, im glad i wrote to you, the first time i did :) although believe me, i was apprehensive. i didnt know then, that world-famous celebrity bloggers could be as much fun as you guys... (and humble, while they were at it). i gots to have loads of funs with you guys... and i found people who restored my faith in humanity. and believe you me, i needed that. im going to sorely miss you all.

i now bestow upon thee...

must. blog. about. convocation. important. day. overwhelmin. experience. am. now. a. graduate. a. proper. one. *dies of exhaustion.*

stupidity is NOT an excuse.

oh but im sorry. it seems to me, it's the ONLY excuse certain people have. their philosophy of life. man ive been in such a horrid mood since the last 8 hours. the frown ive been wearing now seems plastered to my face. the only good thyng that came out from the experiece was that i went to see my beshtest-friend-in-the-whole-wide-world's ma, who is the coolest woman in the world, and man, i find her house so relaxing :D i go there and sleep. yeah, so i hadnt seen her in ages, and she makes me smile. explain to me thys. why do poeple insist on being miserable. why must they spend their lives moping about, as if the guilt of being happy would annihilate them. (im the one who needs to be doing some annihilation around here, man im in a bad mood). why must we make choices we know will hurt us in the future, in the long run? why does it take so much strength? you know what, some people stink, and that stench can be contagious.

road rash

i wish people would be careful while they drive. and motorcyclists more so. ive witnessed around 6 accidents in the last 7 days. just the sight of glass on the road can have devastating affects on one. let alone bodies sprawlled across it. i dont know if ive been at the wrong places at the wrong time, or if people have gone mad, or if the traffic has increased too much, and the roads arent built to take it on, or whatever. i dont like accidents, or ambulances rushing to and fro... the oldest one i remember happened to a guy on a bike... he sped across, cutting a red light at around 9 pm, and he did so successfully; until he hit the hook of a crane, that was concealed in the dark. he flew off his bike, and i dont know what happened then. there was thys other tym i had just dropped my sister off to school, was on my way back, and i saw thys bike lying on the road-side, a man lying on the road, and two young girls in school uniform standing by him crying. i guess i shouldve stopped, and stood by the girls or somethyng. i could put down 6500 reasons why i didnt. in all honesty, i was scared. i didnt know what to do, and for some reason my instincts told me flight would be the best course of action. then there was thys crunched up car, that was hit by a bus, a passenger van and a rickshaw collision, cars and poles, cars and trees... and then there was today. another bike, another ugly scene. too ugly for me to describe, even simply glossing over it wouldnt be possible. i guess what im trying to say is. i almost had one of those accidents today. when a bikewala, with his overweight wifey cut from my left side, and crossed over to the right, cutting 5 lanes. and i was driving fast. i slammed on the brakes, and thys guy flew by, SMILING CHEEKILY... and his woman throwing me ugly looks. i wanted to drive after him, run him down, and remind him what he did couldve killed him. and damaged my car. and i wouldve been blamed for it. cuz i was in teh car. and he was on the bike. which somehow automatically makes him innocent, and me guilty. but i realised it wouldve been futile. how many people can you physically stop, and knock sense into? i know you cant knock sense into me. cuz i like speeding. but i know where i do that. and i know for a fact that i never go beyond a point where the car is no longer in my control. and then Allah has been excessively kind. i can gloat all i want, i know Allah protects us all. but i also know we invite trouble. and thats just been happenin too bloody often lately. and i dont like it. frankly, i thynk im scared. because i know i can be careful out there. but that's futile, cuz im not the only one on the road.