bittersweet memories and a box of sugar

i had a strange out of body experience today. actually it was more deja vu... but saying it was out of body makes it sound more surreal. i went to nca today. a few convoluted reasons. my entire family has gone to bhurban/isb for a holiday. and im home alone. the reason they didnt take me is cuz no one loves me. ok, that isnt true. i wasnt in the mood for a holiday. im sad at home, cuz no one is around, but i wouldve been unhappier had i gone with them. so i begged and begged and begged, and told them i'd be kicked out of my internship if i missed a day. they figured i had gotten so desperate that i had to cook up a lie, then i really should be left at home. so they went. and since then, weve been on the fone 24/7... such is life. i really didnt want a holiday. im too unhappy these days. so umm... since all of them had gone, i didnt want to go to work either. i mean hello??? so i took a day off :D and i slept till all of 10 am :"D heh. and then i woke up, and looked around, and realised if i didnt get out, the house would collapse on me. so i went to NCA. to see a very old friend. and there, down until 7pm, i found me working in clay. and talking. it was like being happy again. and deep down, somethyn that had been slumbering for far too long surfaced again. and someone in me decided i didnt want to wait for another year before i got back to my clay. yeah you heard it right, MY CLAY! it's me, my identity, my life. ive been ignoring me for too long. i deserve better (i thynk). i just might end up dong an exhibition end november. i dont know. too tentative yet. lets see if i can get permission to work in college. im short of working space. mba is all good. mnc work life is all good. but ive had better, and now i thynk i want it back. i was so desperate to work right, i had to cut my nails. but you do realise, i quit biting my nails after 13 years. and that's a very very long time for a habit. and finally, i quit, and my hands were beautiful again, and today, i had to CUT MY NAILS! :D but im too smart :D i only cut those of my thumb, and my index finger. but let's get thys straight. i cut my nails. with a pair of scissors. without thynking twice. so i could work in clay. i so rock (DONT YOU DARE COMMENT ON THYS STATEMENT). it's 15 minutes past quarter past twelve. and i dont know what to do. ive brushed my teeth, im wearing my nightsuit... maybe i'll go watch the aviator. or maybe i'll give myself a manicure. cuz ive figured slightly roundish nail tips look much much better than completely square ones.