to isb and back!

i actually came up with a seriously hilarious line on my way home from isloo. by the tym i got around to blogging, me forgots all abt it. *shrugs* such my dear, is life. i hate talking abt ppl, as a general rule, because either they arent worth my tym, or i love them too much to share them with virtual strangers. yeah, that would be you. i mean, fer all i know, you could be a perverted freak with greasy hair and dirty nails. im not saying that you are, but you could be. actually, the fact that youve grown into the shape of an overly small/uncomfortable chair, munching on an endless supply of doritos, and the underside of your toenails has turned green, and similar slime is dripping off of your forehead probably DOES make you just the freak im talking about. which, coming back to what i was saying, is exactly the kind of crowd i want to protect my jigars from. but when they've fed you the most fantabulous christmas meal, introduced to a set of most divine children, and hosted you for the umpteenth tym on a day's notice... they do deserve to be told they're the greatest! thanx-q momma, the feast was fantabulous. and the cookies. thanx-q bezzy, fer the frog-prince PJs. and the ode. i'd do one in return, but i know i'll never do justice :) thanx-q owl, for the bible. i must admit though, it raised a number of brows when ppl saw me reading it on the bus home... muhahaha. thank da-abbu fer me, it was massive sweet ov him to drop us @ daewoo. thanx-q crayon, for the following: a) that mad drive around isb. muhahaha. we had funs!. b) for introducing me to yer divine kids... :D muhahaha. tell choti ive changed my mind, and i'll eat her before chai does. and than my status shall be elevated to that of a full monster :D c) pizza. muhahaha. i really dont know if i should be thanking you for it though. i'm sure i can do without all that cheese (or pizza for lunch, dinner and breakfast...) d) for being as lovely as you were... if nothing, just talking to you took me back to the last decade... :) when my jaw used to ache speaking bri'ish! i had a blast. as did demi-hemi. (and my mom and brother, having us out of their hair!)... in short, the family is indebted! ;) in other news, ive been getting following and such emails. *

"how are you just gone through your profile i think you may knw the reason why iam sending you this mesage if you are interested pls reply aur add me at ******@hotmail.com you i really like to to know about you if you like toknow more and me and to view my more pics you can visit www.friendster.com andsearch m*****@hotmail.com i am realy very much keen to have a message fromyour side" "hi..... i m ****...i m medical stud in lahore...i wanna friendship wid u...cani?? hope 4 a warm response... my adds r ******@hotmail.com *******@yahoo.com"

people, if i dont already know you, if you are already not on my msn, the chances are, you probably never will be. i know all the ppl i need to know, and then summore. i dont wanna frndship u. i dont wanna be frndship wid u. and i dont wanna be ur frndship. capiccio? * the emails have been posted on abez's request. im not that mean a person ;)

lost in tym

you know the path youve chosen takes you in the complete opposite direction from where you want to end up. eventually. yet you still walk it. you know you'll be miles from home before you actually stop to thynk how far youve come. yet you go on walking. you thynk you live outta teh bag, and your home in your heart, and can stop and set it all down and begin all over again, at your own free will. but you know you dont have a will, and even if you do, it isnt free. you dont really ever stop to look back at what you've left behind, because you know that'll hurt too much. instead, you try walk away from it faster. but you know you''ll never ever get far enough. hemlock is going away for the weekend. the weekend will last as long as her mood. and hemlock just remembered. she would never want to be a billboard selling bathroom fittings.

eggin on

im wearing black nail colour today. i dont know how that piece of information will add value to you, or make your life complete... but i guess if i had all the answers, i'd be paid more. i mean i'd be paid. in money. which reminds me, i was poor today. kinda left my wallet at home. that can get embarassing when yer standing at the cash counter fishing for money, having consumed half of your two cups of coffee and some portion of teh solid part of your breakfast. what helps is having contacts with the cashiers. me: asalaam o alaikum cashier: walaikum asalam. and how are you thys fine morning? me: ji? what's so fine about THYS morning. it's 8 am, im having my daily hangover (and NO, i DONT drink)... and blah... one should be in bed at thys tym... morning should be made illegal. cashier: i see yer your cheery self. that'll be 45 rupees. *fishing for wallet* me: umm. i dont have any money. i forgot it at home cashier: ahahahaha. koi bat nai, bad main day dejye ga. (translation: you poor brat, trying to skive-off a free meal... {actually, the literal translation is: "that's ok, you can pay later" but since none of you know urdu, you cant prove otherwise}) henyways. the kitchen ppl at pdc (the place where us insects are expected to collect for food), umm... it's so weird. they know i hate the food there, they also know exactly WHAT i have for breakfast, and a few weeks ago, one of the cooks refused to serve me unless i showed him the "yo!" it went like thys: me: *disgusting expression* what's for dinner? him: hehehe... the usual... nihari, curry, biryani, aalo... me: rehnay dain (translation: forget it) him: hehehe... aaj apnay "yo!" nahi kia (translation: you didnt do the "yo!" today!!!) me:0_o (here im lyk thynkin, yo? excuse me?) hehehe. yo! ji... the other day, i went in for breakfast, thynkin i wanted a change from my usual half-paratha + omelette routine. just for the record, i HATE eggs. i eat them cuz i hate cereal more. and i dont like butter, jams, marmalades... so yeah, while i HATE eggs, i hate them the least. so im thynkin i'll have "french-toast"... and the cook (another one, who serves me breakfast everyday goes) "good mornin maam... omelette-paratha fer you..." and im like, "nai, i'll take some french toast today." cook: but i saved you the paratha you like <<<(they serve two kinds of parathas at the dining centre) and im thynkin... woah! that's massive sweet, yo! but i dont wanna have it! so i say: "oh really! thanx, why dont you gimme some omelette-paratha then?" eww. i HATE eggs. and im too tired, so im not going to reread what i wrote. that's what you are here for. if you find any spelling/grammar mistakes, dont tell me abt it. i couldnt care less.

i dont want to give thys post a title

creativity cant be forced, that's a given. but id like to sound (or look) smart ONCE in a while. tomorrow is supposedly a holiday, and im already thynkin abt the assignment i got for friday. yeah. me. hemlock. chiller of the highest order. as cool as they get. maxer relaxer. is thynkin about an assignment to be... *Sigh* and the worst part is, not only am i thynkin about it, im aslo actually worried... it's almost like i care about my work now. blah. besides that, life has been rather ... you know.usual. there have been the good days, the bad days, and the very very ugly days. those ugly days for most part comprise of me trying to make some sense of the world around me. and the people in it. the bad days usually comprise of comments where im constantly reminded im not a belgian princes. infact, im a bery bery ordinary person. the good days are made of icecream and chocolates. and good friends. and umm... some part of thys blog is dedicated to a friend (who reads my blog everytym i put a gun to his head) who cheered me up no ends today. thanx man, we gotta do icecream again :D soon. and im gettin all them cool folkses fer the weekend...! yo! :)

Eminem

i'd update, but i dont got much to say these days, unless you want financial analysis / cost accountin / information systems consultancy. i'd give it for free you know... the cheery optimist i am, lemme tell you: the business you gonna start will sink, cuz there aint no market fer it yo! and even if there is a market, you wont know how to run it. and if you already runnin a business, well, it's gonna sink... cuz that's life. *shrugs* and that was hemlock, reporting live for "your fortune", here on business plus. stay tuned for some more doomsday phrophicies... i could actually make it work for you, you know. here's how. send me your money, i'll invest it in profitable ventures, and send you the profits. *fingers crossed* :D really. so send me yo money. besides that -- i been havin major crises mAaAn!!! them folkeses been outta MnMs on campus fer the last three days...imagine that... all that business sh*t happenin, and no MnMs. half of life's miseries would be solved if people went around "distributing" free MnMs. a friend o mine tol me an interestin MnM story the other day. he goes... his uncle in the states loved green MnMs... one fine day, he went out, shopped himself a medium bag, came home and opened it. he didnt find a SINGLE green MnM in the whole bag. *sad face* angry at the whole world, he finished his bag, and returned it with a letter of complaint saying he felt hurt and abused since there were no green MnMs in teh bag. lo and behold. the man was reimbursed. byg tym... he got a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE box of green MnMs WITH a letter of appology. (puts down reason on why-i-love-america-list) im thynkin imna send them an empty wrapper claiming when i eat all them MnMs left, there aint no green, red, brown, blue, yellow OR orange MnMs left. or i'll sue them for emotional torture and mental anguish inflicted because of negligence of design of "never-ending-supply" duty. *me thynks* any lawyers around, yo~?!

Grace, Space, and Pace

Thys weekend, I was driving along the highway when I saw thys lyk incredibly sleek, amazingly smooth, perfectly luxurious (and perfectly me) Jaguar XK. Its only flaw? The driver (old geezer) was punishing it (and me) by crawling along in the slow lane. A Jaguar. In the SLOW LANE. Tears of rage would have filled my eyes if I hadn't been driving. What is wrong with people these days? I thynk that the only other possible vehicle I would have preferred to be behind the wheel of is thys James Bond lunar buggy. Missile launchers, ejectable seats, plexiglass cockpit . . . what more could a girl ask for? It is going to be auctioned off by Christie's for between 20,000 and 30,000 pounds (30,000 and 45,000 euros; 38,000 and 57,000 dollars). Let the bidding begin.

hemnot

blahahaha

just finished 550 pages of blah. had to put it down cuz i couldnt take it anymore. have found it uninspiring, ungripping... and almost a very desperate attempt to put together a tonne of facts, figures, symbols and conspiracy theories together, to appear a master craftsman in the end. i shall probably finish it though, not cuz i really care to know what happens in the end, but because im like that. i dont know if i would ever actually recommend it to anyone. cuz ive read so much better. but then, dont take my word for it. what do i know. i need to get a manicure. but lookie here instead: the day in the life of an enterprising student.

who's da Trogdor???!!!(interobang!bang!bang!)

ladies and gentlemen, it's tym fer some serious burnination!!!. hell, yeah! p.s knicq, yer list of thyngs i dont wanna be shall be comin up soon. only i fear i might end up saying more than i wish to!

the ABC of MBA

"when you read you begin with..." having finished a quarter of: OB MM FA SAM MC ive now started one comprising: ME MA MMM FAN OM and it doesnt get any simpler than that. (and you guys thought MBA was tough and sucking the happiness out of my life?)

dreams of an insomniac

meeks wants to be a hermit. (dood! i met a friend o mine who had a son recently, and she's called him meekahil... i was like WOAH!) i was commenting on his post about all the thyngs i wanted to be, but then i figured i should do that here... just so when i look back 47 years from now, at all what i wished i were... but couldnt be... thys would remind me to be really, truely, and throughly depressed and disillusioned. not that i need a list to help me with that. aside from wishing i were fish, me thynks me wants thys: i want to be a window cleaner. i want to be a flying saucer. i want to be a bug. i want to be a snowflake. i want to be sunshine. i want to be a speck of dust resting on the tallest tower in the world. i want to be a centipede. i want to be a red streamer. i want to be the first drop of rain that hits the ground on a hot summer day. i want to be a melting strawberry cone. i want to be a two year old chasing a butterfly. i want to be an oz. of mercury. i want to be a scribble of an author -- the first one he makes before starting his award winning book. i want to be a bluebell. i want to be an ant. i want to be the blue in the sky. and the yellow. i want to be a rockstar. i want to be the last teardrop. i want to be the wind. i want to be a wooden plank from a sunken ship. i want to be molten lava. i want to be a rocket scientist. i want to be an english castle. i want to be neon pink. i want to be a balloon. i want to be a seashell. i want to be the titanium skin of a nokia 8910. i want to be a 200-yr old willow tree. i want to be a taquila shot. i want to be a page torn out of someone's notebook. i want to be an ancient turkish sword made in 1806. i want to be a harp. i want to be stone-cold sober. i want to be a rock settled at the bottom of a river. i want to be a shooting star. i want to be the only brick in the wall. i want to be a 7'x4' tapestry. or an afghan rug. i want to be a vulture. and an eagle. and a falcon. or maybe even a heartfelt apology. or a wedding ring found after three decades. i want to be content with all who i am, and be thankful for what i have. and i want to mean it. eds' note: full-tym dictator/part-tym assassin and nightmare-developer excluded from list for fear of havin hemlock branded social outcast.

delusions and dragons

ive often wondered where my craziness stems from, or how long ive been thys way. ive tried to go back in tym and remember how frequently i was dropped on my head... or if my mom was feeding me pepsi laced with marijuana when i was three weeks old. i ventured into my room yesterday... yeah, the very same one which resembles nathiagali, the largest manmade forest in the world. and there, among the trash i have accumulated over the past 23 years, i found thys: an eid card i designed in grade 6. why ANYONE in their right minds would want to put skull and bones on a card wishing someone eid is beyond me. even if it is me who did just that. that reminds me of sybil though. it's a book i read when i was studying psychology; the woman suffered from MPD (multiple personality disorder)... and teh shrink accounted for "16 different people living within her" (but if i remember correctly, there were a total of 23 personalities, the last 7 being less powerful, and only surfaced right near the end of her treatment). some part of having various voices and people living in your head is actually way cool... it's like... a) yer never alone ("listen to voice of your head... it makes no sense, take a rest...") b) you get to eat for multiple people ("mom! you gotta give me three pieces of cake... one for me, on for my ego, and one for my id"). and c) every night is party night. of course... you can also simply go set the white house on fire and say, "I didn't do it! it was ME!" if you know what i mean. :p did i ever mention my favourite kinda mental maladies include Manic Depressive Psychosis and Catatonic Schizophrenia (MPD goes without saying)? you only ever become a true student of psychology once you have applied all sorts of disorders to yourself and then diagnosed yourself with whichever sound the coolest. there can be more than one. the more the merrier. but treatment in school is not guaranteed. or offered. or i wouldnt have been here today.

the lizard who would be king

cockroaches are interesting critters. (isnt thys guy just to-die-for?) they live in my kitchen. in lill colonies. i would spray them away, but you must understand - roaches are human too you know. they too need food, water and a place to live. i cant just turn them out, or have their blood on my hands (which, by the way, is white). ok. im only kidding. they arent human. but roaches and men actually share somethyng. i believe it's called personality. actually, most importantly, i rather like roaches cuz they are lizard food. lizards come in all colours, shapes and sizes. also, you can make some at home - out of origami. (here's an origami rhinobeetle. not even remotely related to the lizard). the most famous of all lizards would have to be the one in My Family and Other Animals. Gerald Durrell had a 'pet' gecko. needless to say, you cant really actually teach a gecko to 'heel' or say 'polly wants a cracker', but one can live in a dellusional world, where you believe the gecko walks in and out of your room at your will (with your will coincidently coinciding with the arrivals and the departures of the gecko in question). i once met a lizard from china. i also have a friend from china, and he isnt a lizard. you know, china is a wonderful place. it has lizards; and it has friends. 0_o but coming back to the lizard. he was a wise lizard. according to the stories we shared, he had travelled far and wide - over the hills and a long way off - all the way to lahore. i was rather jealous you know. ive never been to china. and here i had a travel-weary lizard (who we shall uncle sam from now on, for the lack of a proper christian name) sharing a cuppa with me. uncle sam was a bit of a rebel from the start he told me. he ate his mom when he was only a young lad. "i ate my mom," he said. you see, chinese lizards aren't big on relationships. apparently, they are supposed to leave home when they're 18, or eligible to vote (and they are eligible to vote when they are 18), except their ages arent counted in years, like ours are, but in the number of cockroaches theyve eaten. and i thynk he told me that was 1,937,523,945.7 - to be exact. "we have to eat 1,937,523,945.7 cockroaches (to be exact), before we are counted as adult lizards, " he said. i could never comprehend what a 0.7 cockroach was. that's the same as saying an average pakistani household has 3.5 children... except you must know, a 0.5 child cant actually exist. i mean. my parents had three kids. now im missing a half-brother or a half-sister. damn! ive been deprived. if thys was america, i'd sue my parents... and uncle sam for the mental torture he caused me by reminding me i was missing half a sibling. or a point 7 one. or whatever. *sigh* a girl's life is so complicated. but thys isnt about me - it's about uncle sam... i asked him why he hadnt been christianed. you know, given a proper name. everyone i know has a proper name. even the dean at the business school im studying in. uncle sam said his parents never went to church. "my parents never went to church," he said. "we were never really a very religious family. my dad was a rogue... he fathered many a lizard before me; i have siblings all over china... and my mom... she just did the rosary when she wanted to cut herself off from the world." "it was very annoying though," he continued, "and after a while, i just had to eat her. i mean... in all her prayers and devoutness, she stopped cooking for us. "and anyways, by that time, i was too old to be christianed. i'd given up on god and gone agnostic," he finished. the lizard's religious views were very much like my own. except i never went agnostic, and i never ate my mom. so i asked him how he landed up in lahore. he said he had heard stories about lahore, and had always wanted to see it for himself... "i had heard stories about lahore, and had always wanted to see it for myself," he said. "oh really?" i asked. "like what?" "well," he started. "firstly, i had heard there were many a pretty ladylizards here... and in my ripe old age of 21,236,543,684.3 cockroaches, i was thynking of settling down." i found that rather strange. and i said so. "i thynk that's rather strange," i said. "why?" he asked. "are you worrying about the cultural barrier, or the language one?" "niether," i replied. "i just thynk it's strange that a handsome lizard like yourself would have to travel 19,299,019,738.6 roaches to lahore to find a bride. that's just a very typical trait of NRPs (non-resident pakistanis), but hello... you arent even desi man... whatchathynkyerpullinhere?" he grinned. he didnt answer. he just grinned. and with a very sage, very wise look, he said, "sunsets are beautiful. all else is relative." eds' note: we tried to stop her. we really did.